My understanding of work has always stemmed from the jobs I’ve had. I have worked almost 100% consistently from age 15 at various jobs--retail, restaurants, odd jobs on my college campus, and then my short-lived but rigorous career as a teacher. For me, work was always task-driven, and I viewed each job through tasks that I needed to accomplish. Then I became a stay-at-home mom and everything changed. I can vividly remember rocking with Savannah as a newborn and in my postpartum haze thinking "Is this it? Is this what my life is going to be about now?"
I know now that a mixture of pain meds, lack of sleep, and jacked up hormones really played into that thinking, but the concept lingered way past the postpartum stage. All I could envision was the menial tasks of diaper changing, picking up the house, washing dishes and laundry, grocery shopping, and then starting the cycle anew each day. So my new job was still task-driven, but it wasn’t enough for me anymore. And then I would envision this idyllic mother and wife who took joy in each task and poured her heart into it all. I saw a woman that I would never live up to.
I am finally accepting that my decision to stay home was not a decision to sign-off from a "real" job for a time; this is my new job, and it is exposing character flaws that I used to hide with a long to-do list from my old career as a teacher. There was always something to be done, and the faster I got it done the faster I could move on to the next thing. I see now that as I began to treat each task as an assignment, I lost track of those to whom I was assigned—my students, those I was called by God to instruct and serve. At that time, I was not strong enough to pull myself out of the drudgery, and I did not truly seek God’s help in restoring my perspective. I was in a mire of quicksand and sinking fast with no willpower to reach for the rope I was offered. I wanted to give so much more of myself to my students, but I was never able.
If I am not careful I will lose myself again in the drudgery of menial tasks and forget that the only thing that stands in the way of my new job becoming the same to me as my old job is my willingness to let Christ renew my mind and attitude daily.
A couple of recent devotions from My Utmost caught my attention in this area. The first was about serving, and as I read I felt a stirring in my heart. It was an actual physical feeling, not just emotional, and I knew God was speaking. "Here" is all I sensed, and as I continued to read I looked at the words in light of my service in my home: "Are you ready to be less than a mere drop in the bucket--to be so totally insignificant that no one remembers you even if they think of those you served? Are you willing to give and be poured out until you are used up and exhausted--not seeking to be ministered to, but to minister?" (Chambers Feb. 5). I’d like to think that I am capable of this type of service, but as I chewed on this idea I would only despair and think “How in the world can anyone do that? I’m just not cut out for it. My heart is not big enough.”
Today’s devotion helped things click. Chambers writes about Christ’s example of servant-hood when he washes the feet of his disciples in John 13. Chambers writes, “In some cases the way a person does a task makes that work sanctified and holy forever. It may be a very common everyday task, but after we have seen it done, it becomes different. When the Lord does something through us, He always transforms it” (Feb. 19). God showed me what I have been seeking. I want to find in this job what I never found in my old job—how those tiresome, everyday tasks become transformed into joyous acts of service. It’s a sort of theme that you see few people live by, but it forever impresses you when you see it. You know something is different in that person. You know that their driving force, their inspiration is something you want.
As I searched the scriptures for references to “servant,” I found that the act of service is always tied to love. 1 Peter 4:10 implies that giving of ourselves does not come naturally: “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace… whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies.” In this passage Paul is specifically writing about spiritual gifts which only come from God, but I think that any act of service must be done with God’s help if we are to do it to his glory. The Proverbs 31 wife, the seemingly unreachable pinnacle of womanhood, “works with willing hands” (Prov. 31:13). It is clear throughout scripture that if we are to make our clenched, unwilling hands willing, we must rely on the power of Christ’s redemption to transform them. Will I allow the Holy Spirit to transform my daily tasks into acts of love? Will I let him impart to me a sense of duty that is not driven by mere obligation but by a desire to serve?
None of what I am hoping to learn is easy. Jesus told us that the way is narrow. But we are made able through Him. Each small task of service to another is witness to Christ’s transforming love in our lives. Lord, make our hearts big enough. Burn this love into our hearts and allow it to move through us as we live each day to serve you.
