just like mom

When I was a kid I knew a few things for sure: I knew my favorite color was blue; I knew that God loved me; I LOVED reading and writing stories (usually about horses); and I knew that I wanted to grow up to be nothing like my mom. 


Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a wonderful woman and great mother. She loved my brother and me with a fierce devotion--fierce. She was spontaneous and loved surprises. Some of my favorite moments with her centered around jaunts to TCBY for a special treat (maybe that doesn't seem super-spontaneous to you, but we didn't have a lot of money). She loved to have fun and sing, specifically Oldies in our beat-up Mercury. She was silly; my mom at her silliest acted like a puppy, crawling into my room on hands and knees, whimpering that she was sorry for doing whatever or sorry that I was feeling sad. And my favorite thing about her was the way she made us feel special. I fondly remember notes in my lunch box and special "dates" we would have individually with her. 


But, like most mothers, she had her flaws. One of the biggest things that got under my skin was how she could just air her feelings to anyone and everyone, it seemed, without a care in the world. She would tell anyone about her problems, past or present, and not in a "please feel sorry for me" way but just because that's what came naturally. She was an open book. I have vivid memories of her re-hashing a former marriage or our current financial struggles to complete strangers. And even to a mom while we were on a field trip--right in front of me, nonetheless! I cowered and moved away from her slowly, hoping that my classmates would not compute that she was my mom. 


So, I think about my mom's ability and sometimes urgency to be so frank with others about her life and I realize that, oh crap, I'm turning out to be just like her. Obviously, this blog is proof of that. Recently, I even caught myself striking up a conversation about debt with a check-out lady at the grocery store. My mom totally did that and it embarrassed the crap out of me! So, I don't know if it's becoming a mother, getting older (I'll be 30 this year, whoop!), or just living through the craziness of this past year, but I am officially turning into my mom. I wonder how much more I would be like her if she'd been with us the past twelve years. 


And I see more than just the frankness--I see the silliness, too. I'm not too spontaneous, though. And I'm not sure how it will turn out, but I hope to have all of that fierce devotion to Savannah. And I do love to sing to the Oldies whenever I can find them. 



So, here's to my mom, Diane. I love you and miss you. And here's to all my girlfriends who never wanted to be like their moms--let's hold on to their best qualities and let's embarrass our kids every chance we get!