thank you, now I'm moving!

Thanks to everyone who has shared our story and blessed us with gracious comments! Chaz and I are both overwhelmed that our story has encouraged so many and excited that God's name is being praised because of it.

I have just finished a new site on WordPress, so please follow me! I plan to write much more frequently from now on. Here is my new site: https://rischywill.wordpress.com/

Hope to see you over there!

our debt-free journey

(Hi! I have moved to a new blog on WordPress at https://rischywill.wordpress.com/. You can read Our Debt-Free Journey there at https://rischywill.wordpress.com/our-debt-free-journey/. Thanks!)

Chaz and I began our debt-free journey in late 2010. I was pregnant with our first child when he finally talked me into doing Financial PeaceUniversity. We were in bad shape. I had quit a full-time teaching job to be a stay-at-home mom, and his career had taken an unforeseen detour and landed him in a job where he was miserable. We had two student loans, a mortgage, and various other small debts. Once my full-time income was depleted, we realized something had to give.

FPU was an eye-opener, to say the least. For Chaz, it was about getting us on the same page; he had been applying Ramsey’s principles for about a year to help us pay off our cars. For me, it was about realizing that money was not the enemy. Money was a tool, and we could learn to use that tool successfully and in ways that would honor God. We were diligent with the class and became serious about getting out of debt.

But before we could get out of debt, we had to fix a major problem: our income didn’t cover our bills and other expenses. Chaz and I had decided together that I would stay at home to raise our child. This was something we had always wanted, but we had never actually planned for it financially. And I felt a calling from God to quit my job before I even became pregnant. It was obvious that my going back to work full-time was not an option, but at the same time, it was the only option that made financial sense. Ultimately, we both knew God had something bigger in store for us and that we needed to just trust Him with this decision.

Not long after our first child was born, we knew we had to give up our house. I remember Chaz telling me that this is what we had to do. I cried knowing he was right while hating the decision. How could we have let things get this bad? How could we have been so stupid and careless? Buying the house had been our first big mistake. We bought it when we had two student loans, two car payments, and paid almost nothing down. In hindsight, getting out of debt should have been our top priority. Our Realtor suggested we rent the house out for a while since the market was so terrible (this was 2011) and we had no equity. That was golden advice since we would have gone into much more debt trying to sell the house at that time. So, we began to prepare our house as a rental. We also sold a good many of our belongings to make downsizing a little easier and packed up our house, preparing to move into a small apartment.

Then we got this amazing opportunity to live in a house for free for a year!  Basically, a friend of a friend was possibly moving his family out of state for work temporarily. He was just waiting on the go ahead from his boss. If we could hold out a few weeks, he would know for sure.

This was the first real test for us and especially for me in trusting my husband to take the lead. We both felt we had to take the chance on it, but in order to do that we were going to need a place to stay when the tenant moved into our newly rented home. In stepped Curtis and Christie Frodge. At the time, we were only acquaintances. She read about our crazy story on my blog, and they decided to walk in faith with us: they offered us to live with them in an extra room, free of charge, for as long as we needed until we got the house-sitting gig. It was just the incentive we needed to take the big risk.

For five weeks, we lived in a bedroom out of our suitcases with a five-month-old baby and a dog. We shared a home with another family and became part of their lives and their story forever. We also became part of their small group. It was a beautiful time of Christian unity while also a tangibly stressful time for Chaz and me. Three weeks in, we found out the house-sitting gig wasn't going to work out.

Soon thereafter, we moved into a 750 square-foot apartment. The move was all but devastating. Our pride took an enormous blow; we had failed. We had it all, and we screwed it up. I felt the failure every day for a long time, and I questioned my decision to stay home with my infant daughter every day. And why did the opportunity for the house-sitting gig even arise? Why had that been laid in our laps if God knew it wasn’t going to work out anyway? The questions and doubts began to settle in and fester.

That first year after we moved out of our house brought us to the lowest point in our marriage and into an even worse financial state. We had been married five years, and every bad financial decision from those five years seemed to pile up on us all at once. We kept taking hits. Bills would come in one right after the other. There were a few months that I dreaded opening the mailbox. On top of that, we still had the house to care for. It seemed there was always something that needed fixing. We owed money that we didn’t even know about, and we had almost nothing with which to pay the bills. Our problems were overwhelming, and getting out of debt wasn’t even on the radar anymore.

It was just ridiculous! We had followed what we believed God was calling us to do and everything got WORSE. We wanted to get out of debt, so we downsized. But we still didn’t have extra money. Nothing made sense. I blamed my husband. I was so angry with him, and I was angry with myself. Chaz was miserable and frustrated. He hated his job and had no way of advancing. Nothing made sense, and everything was a struggle. Our arguments were brutal, and there was an icy hostility in our home all the time. At one point, we even considered leaving everything and moving back to Tennessee to live with Chaz’s parents until we could dig ourselves out of the pit.

Finally, this one particular bill came in that caused us to hit our bottom. It was something we should have known was coming but forgot about. We weren’t angry necessarily, but just overwhelmingly disappointed with ourselves. For me, it was the first time I went before God in true repentance.

That marked a turning point for us. God had taken that year to reveal small cracks in the foundation of our marriage. The financial pressure being put on us just spotlighted what was already there: I trusted and respected my husband very little; Chaz shied away from his role as leader of our family, and his confidence was at a very low point. Once we hit bottom, we knew there was only one way out. We started looking to God to fix us, and He showed up as our Provider first in our marriage. Instead of turning away from each other or fighting, we began to act as a team. God showed me how to turn to my husband in love and respect and trust; He showed Chaz how to lead our family. We had a big learning curve ahead of us, but we were finally ready for the lessons.

The next two years were hard and lean, but God continued to provide in every area. He began quickly by providing a new job for Chaz. For the first time, he wanted better things for us and began working hard and challenging himself to take charge of his life. I found odd jobs babysitting and working for a friend's business and also worked part time at PeeWee School (our church's preschool). For two years Chaz worked five nights a week at a restaurant waiting tables as a second job. That was so hard on us all, as we saw him very little through the week. However, it provided the money we needed to move forward instead of just treading water. The money also enabled us to get our house ready to sell.

We were changing in big ways during this time. We sought the guidance of a financial adviser affiliated with the church and FPU. We began having “budget meetings” twice a month. Those were very stressful at first, but they became easier as we went along. We cut back on everything we could and began telling our money where to go. We made things work with one car. We did very few fun things. We said “no” a lot. It was really, really humbling.

God provided in the hardest times. One of the best memories I have was making our pledge to our church’s Everyone Campaign. This was a campaign started by Clear Creek Community Church to build satellite campuses in two additional parts of our area as well as adding a children's ministry building to our main campus. The mission of our church has always been to "make fully devoted followers of Christ," and this is one way they do it. We made a pledge that was really big for us at the time. Chaz kept saying we needed to make it big to see how God would help us provide. We had begun tithing regularly for the first time in our marriage, so making the “over and above” contribution at that time was a real struggle for me to understand. But when I asked God about it, I got the clear message that He wanted us to make the commitment. He wanted us—He wanted me—to trust Him totally.

In early summer of 2013, we sold our house. It was bittersweet because in our hearts a part of us wanted to move back there someday, but we had to make that sacrifice in order to use all our extra money toward our debt instead of using it to make constant repairs on the house and pay other associated bills. For me, the house represented an idol of comfort that I had made. It presented a constant temptation for me to get caught up obsessing over getting back into the house instead of getting out of debt. We kissed it goodbye not knowing when we would be homeowners again.

Just a few months after we sold the house, we were able to pay off our first major debt. It was a small victory, but it gave us just the spark we needed to keep going. We continued to make sacrifices: Chaz kept working his night job; we drove a twelve-year-old car and an even older motorcycle; we continued living in our small apartment even though we had chances to move into something bigger.

 

With every sacrifice we made, God showered us with even more blessings. Just like that season where we kept getting bill after bill in the mail, we would open the mail to find a check randomly sent from a friend or family member for just the amount we needed. This happened time and time again. One example was when my grandpa handed me a check for a large amount of money. It covered paying for two very specific things we needed but weren’t yet able to buy. “You guys are doing a really great job. You impress me,” he said. That was a huge compliment coming from a man of few words! We received hand-me-downs for Savannah, a car seat for the new baby we had on the way, toys, and a good friend even loaned us a car for a few months. And through all of that, we continuously received prayers and encouragement from family and friends. We learned we had some amazing friends! The more open we were about sharing our story, the more people we met who had been or were in the same place. The blessings we received were so humbling. We knew what we deserved, but we received something better. We began to learn how to be grateful for whatever we had and joyful in times of abundant blessing. That is grace. 

In the spring of 2014, we received a big blessing: I inherited a substantial amount of money that helped us to pay off our second major debt, a student loan. We were also able to put away money so that we could pay hospital bills up front after our second child came, baby Charlotte. And we made our final contribution to the Everyone Campaign; we had reached our goal!

In late 2014, we only had one debt remaining: my student loan. Chaz was no longer working his second job because he had been given a promotion that required him to work downtown, making it very difficult to get to another shift after a long commute home (I was just fine with this development, by the way). I had stopped working at PWS after the baby came and because we had assumed Chaz would still be working his night job. Because of all this, we had hit a lull in our debt-payoff plan, and it was tempting to get down because of it. When we looked at how much further we had to go and at how little we had to go on… well, things seemed pretty bleak.

Then two amazing things happened within a week of each other. A friend of a friend gave us a car. FOR FREE. NO STRINGS ATTACHED! It was not something we had been thinking or praying about; God just put it in our laps. When we went to pick up the car and sign the title over, I was able to tell the benefactor a little bit of our story. I told him how earlier that year we had been struggling over whether or not to buy a cheap car just to make things easier and get us through the yucky winter. But I had told Chaz, “If we just keep doing what we’re doing, God will bless us. Who knows? He could even GIVE us a car!” And that’s exactly what He did! It gave us the faith to pray boldly and to continue trusting God to provide even in our financial lull. I remember praying something like this: “God I am worried about our future. But you have proven faithful time and time again these past few years. And you just gave us a car, for goodness’ sake! I trust that you are going to continue taking care of us. You are so good to us!”

Later that week, I got a letter in the mail from an attorney I had never heard from before. I was set to receive a portion of a settlement in a wrongful death lawsuit against the nursing home where my grandmother had passed away over four years earlier. I had no idea the lawsuit had even been opened. My uncle had kept up with the legal proceedings for three years without my knowledge.

The amount of money made me stop in the middle of cooking dinner and sit down on the floor, my mouth agape. I just couldn’t believe it! We were simply amazed by God’s perfectly timed blessing.

That lump settlement put us nearly four years ahead of schedule! We were able to pay off the remainder of my student loan and then save a full emergency fund per Dave Ramsey’s baby step #3. We also tithed and gave that amount toward the church’s First Gifts to Jesus. It was a sweet Christmas!

We are now DEBT FREE! We have paid off nearly $60,000 in three years!

And we have just received yet another blessing! Chaz is about to get hired on full-time to a major energy company in Houston. He’ll receive a raise that will almost double his earnings from when we began our journey four years ago! It is pretty amazing to see how God made this happen. Let me connect the dots for you. When we took that detour to live with the Frodges after our house was rented out, we got in their small group led by Nathan and Sarah Southard. Nathan was able to get a good word in for Chaz at a company here in League City in 2012. Chaz worked hard at this new job in a new field in which he felt completely out of his league. But he proved himself to be a diligent and hard worker. Last year, Nathan asked Chaz to be contracted out to work for him at the major company in Houston, and the rest is unfolding before us. We had no idea how that little detour God told us to take would change our future!

So, it is January 2015. FPU gave us the tools to use our money successfully and for God’s glory as well as tools to help us communicate more effectively about our finances. We started our journey to be debt free four years ago, but this journey was about so much more than that! God changed us. Four years ago, we didn’t know how to handle our money, and we never budgeted or really talked about money. Now we have “budget meetings” every two weeks or more often if necessary. No fighting involved! And better still, we now feel confident that we can leave a better financial legacy for our children. Four years ago, our marriage had foundational cracks of distrust that we were as yet unaware. God showed us how to let Him meet our individual needs first and how to trust Him. Now we share trust and respect and have accepted and come to love the roles God has given us, not the roles we designed for ourselves. Our marriage is thriving in it! Chaz has grown as a man and leader of our family; I have grown in my ability to trust and willingly submit to his leadership. Four years ago, our perspective was focused inward on our best interests and comforts. Now we look to how we can give and learn to continually be more grateful for what we have. We once thought too much of how others perceived us because of what we did or didn’t have. Now we both accept where we are and are in no hurry to “keep up with the Joneses” as we once did. That line of thinking got us into our trouble in the first place.

Four years ago, we trusted in ourselves to make things work and to provide all our needs. While we believed and trusted God, He was really just there as our emergency back-up in real life crises. In our journey to become debt-free, God became our Provider. He changed our faith from something we just talked about to something we lived and breathed—every day. And He is still changing us. The message we want people to get from our story is this: FOLLOW GOD. It doesn’t matter if what He is calling you to is straight up crazy; He will provide! Our worries and dreams are puny compared to His care and imagination. We have come into a greater joy and knowledge of Him because we trusted and obeyed. 

                                                         

Now we are asking a new question: “God, what would you have us do next?” He has given us a huge blessing by enabling us to be out of debt years ahead of our schedule; we know He must have something big in mind for us again. God has used the past four years to put us on a totally different path: the path He wants for our lives, not necessarily the one we wanted. The journey was about getting our financial lives straight, but it was more about growing our hearts and changing the mission of our family. We are now entirely more flexible with our plans, willing to wait on God’s lead and on His time. What we want just really doesn’t matter as much as what God wants. After all, we are here to bring glory to His name. A friend reminded us of the parable of the talents from Matthew: “You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much.” We were once on a mission to make a good life for ourselves, a kind of life focused only on this earthly life. Now we have an eternal perspective with a mission for God’s kingdom. We can’t wait to follow the road He will take us down next!

Photo: S Pandolph Photography

our BIG news

So, I was going to write an embarrassingly long-winded post updating you all on the last two years as well as our latest news. But since my last post was a year and a half ago, I thought it best to not be rude and just get to the point.

It all began with a calling. I felt God pushing me to quit my full-time job, and Chaz felt God pushing us to get out of debt and sell the house. As I write this update four years later, our lives have changed dramatically. We are debt free.

WE ARE DEBT FREE!!!

So, let me tell you how THAT happened.

Most of you know that we have made many sacrifices to get to this point including the following:

• Chaz worked a second job as a waiter for almost two years
•  Living in a super tiny apartment (2 adults+2 kids+1 dog+1 cat=6 uncomfortable creatures)
•  Driving old, beat-up vehicles (and, for a time, only ONE vehicle)
• Saying “no” to fun stuff A LOT
•  Saying “yes” to budgeting and all things adult and boring, like saving money

But many of you may not know that God has poured out many financial blessings on us over the past couple years, including, but not limited to, the following:

• Getting random checks in the mail from family or friends EXACTLY when we needed the cash
• Chaz’s new career opportunity (which was almost single-handedly provided to him through a friend we may have never met if we had not started this journey)
• A FREE CAR that we received this Halloween

• An inheritance I received from my late grandfather, my sweet Poppy, who passed away in 2013
• So many gifts of money, hand-me-downs, free rides (back when we had one vehicle), a borrowed car, a car seat, prayers, encouragement, etc.

Recently, I received a windfall of a fairly large amount of money. Unbeknownst to me, my late grandfather had filed a lawsuit against the nursing home where my grandmother passed away in 2010. As an heir to her estate, I was entitled to 25% of the settlement.

With that money, we just paid off the balance of my student loan. We also gave a portion to the church and saved the remainder to complete our next baby step (having an emergency fund of 3-6 months’ worth of living expenses).

Do you mind if I write it again in all caps? You can cheer if you want to…

WE’RE DEBT FREE!!!

Those three words look so good on the page. I can’t wait to do our debt-free scream on the Dave Ramsey show.

This journey to become debt free came with so many blessings. We knew only that God gave us a very clear directive to change our lives, but we had no idea how He would change us in the process. We sacrificed so much to get here, but I will tell that story at another time. Right now we just want you to share in our joy.

This journey has been more about building trust in each other and in Him. Our marriage grew into an exchange of love and trust and faith. We have learned that God's path is not just a good idea or principle that can be negotiated; it is life and truth and the BEST way. It is narrow and hard, but it is best.

The work is not over! We are not magically rich now, just in case you were wondering. We will continue to live our lives and manage our money in the ways that God has taught us to do so these past three years. We will just be doing it with a little less burden and a little more security. Thank you for being a part of this journey with us.

P.S. My goal for the New Year is to get back in the habit of writing often, so I hope to be in touch with y'all soon. :)

a big mess

This morning I made a big mess in my pantry:

I had stupidly been storing flour in a zipper storage bag. As you can see, my pantry is very deep so stuff tends to get lost back there. This gallon-sized bag of flour was one of those lost items. When I went to retrieve it, I pulled it out by the bottom (mistake #2) and behold the mess! This picture was taken after I pulled out more stuff that was in front of and under the mess. More was on the floor. 

I sent a picture to my friend who asked if the bag had exploded. It certainly did look that way. But no, I explained to her what happened and likened it to a slow leak. When I got to the back of the shelf, I realized that flour had probably been coming out of the bag for a while. But nobody noticed because it wasn't doing any real harm in the deep, dark back of the pantry. 

It wasn't too long before God started connecting the dots for me. 

Disclaimer: I don't like to use extended metaphors, but this one just screamed to be used. Bear with me, please. 

In my last post, I wrote about how my heart had been leaking junk for quite a while before I noticed any real problem. Since I started addressing the actual heart problem before God, He began pulling out items here and there. And when He finally got to the source of the leak and began the long process of pulling it out of the dark (which is far from over), I began grieving over the mess. 

I grieve because I know how these things go. When God chooses to use something to refine me, especially this particular issue, I know the process will be long and difficult. 

It took me about 30 minutes and a trip to Wally World to clean up the flour mess: 

I certainly felt a measure of victory over the disorganization, especially since I have had it on my "to do" list for some time. 

But I know God has depths of knowledge and insight to reveal to me on my real problems. And He won't do it in 30 minutes.

As much as I would like my emotional life to be nice and tidy like my pantry, or even more so, God is showing me that no part of our lives ever fit into airtight containers or tiny bins (yes, the metaphor is killing me too, but I can't help it!). And very few things are black and white, especially when it comes to such things as emotions and relationships. 

But I want desperately for certain things to fit in a box. I want definition. I want the straight path. 

God keeps reminding me that life isn't like that. We live in a fallen world where things are not as they should be. 

So, I'm starting the painful process of letting go of an ideal. I don't know where it will take me, and that's pretty much part of the package. But I do know that the Lord will be there with me, whispering truths to me when I call on Him or using the piercing sword of His word when I refuse to listen. And I know, as Job, that God "knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold" (Job 23:10). I can take this truth to the bank. 

I am thankful to have a Savior that left the Heavenly places for a while so that He could understand things like messes in the pantry and confusing emotions and broken relationships. I am thankful that His death made a way for me to climb up and pull on His ear.  

And I am thankful that He loves me through it all. 

confessional

"Hello, my name is Christy and I curse badly when I'm alone and have a tendency towards angry outbursts." Nice to meet you. 

Don't you just wish we could all greet one another like we were in a perpetual AA meeting so that we could stop pretending to have it all together? You don't? Yeah, I guess I don't either. 

But it is helpful to confess our sins to one another (James 5:16), and I suppose this is one of my outlets for doing so. So, you'll have to just bear with me. 

I've had a pretty rough past couple months sprinkled with some joyous moments. Unfortunately, the rough moments slightly outweighed the joyful ones. I thought I had been handling my emotions pretty well through it all, but today I realized some junk has been seeping through the cracks of my heart and revealing that I'm not in as much control as I had thought. 

The junk (i.e. what I opened with) has been getting a little out of hand, okay a lot out of hand lately. The other day I finally went to the Lord about it all. My opening line was the first red flag: "I thought I was handling my emotions pretty well." And God, as he is wont to do when we come to him with repentant hearts, pushed through that and showed me the I's in that statement. Where was he? 

As I fumbled and finally broke down halfway through the prayer, God pulled scripture to mind: "From the depths of the heart, the mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45). Yes, something was jacked up in my heart, but what was it? I was handling everything well, wasn't I? My eyes locked in on the devotion from Jesus Calling I had read that morning which read, "Remember that I take great delight in you." 

Great delight? No, not great delight in my sin. Not great delight in my feeling wretched in that moment or in my tears. He takes great delight in my drawing in close to him, my confiding in him, my need for him to fix my brokenness. He takes great delight in us. 

See, I hadn't been spending much time with him lately. And, believe it or not, God is jealous for our love. So he allowed me to go my own way in "handling" my emotions until I realized my foolishness and came back to him. 

This is the constant battle I have with myself--controlling my thoughts, emotions, overall life versus allowing God to control my thoughts, emotions, and life. The very idea that I could handle on my own all the emotionally brutal events from the past couple months is simply ridiculous. I know part of why it feels satisfying to hold everything together is something that's been with me since childhood. But part of it--even if it is a very small part--also has to do with thinking that keeping control of all of my junk somehow shows others what a good Christian I am. I am sure I'm not the only one who does this. 

And that leads me back to my wonderful Savior. You see, he does not delight in my putting all my emotions in a neat box. He does not delight in my venting my pain through channels that the world deems as normal and acceptable. 

He delights in my coming to him as an absolute broken-down mess. He delights in my confession of sin and pain and doubt because he knows exactly how I feel and exactly how to fix me. He delights in my turning away from my idol of self-reliance to nestle in his lap. He delights simply in our being together.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. --Psalm 16-19

we sold the house!/...

One month ago we finally sold our home on Country Glen, the house we moved out of two years ago so that I could stay home with our daughter and so we could get our financial world more aligned with God's idea of good working order. Yes, the burden is finally off our shoulders, and we are just now beginning to feel the lightness of that certainty. 

A month ago, however, when we left the title company's office after signing our home away along with a hefty sum of money, we felt pretty dejected. The receptionist congratulated us, probably assuming that we were "moving up." I can tell you that it was the most ironic congratulations I'd ever heard. I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud and asked Chaz if he had heard what she said. Yes, he had. 

Those first couple weeks after selling were difficult for us. We had wrongly assumed that we would feel great joy and victory after getting rid of our "largest debt," but all we felt was an anticlimax. We didn't question our decision, but we did feel the loss of that money, our pride of home ownership, and the impending doom of starting over. It was hard not to let my mind wander down the road of "when will we own a home again?". 

But one month out we are starting to feel the release and freedom from not having the financial burden of our house hanging over our heads. The payoff of our smallest debt is within range, and we are living with more ease knowing that our emergency fund is funded and if we have to make big repairs to the car or have to fly home for some reason, we can do it with cash. Now, Chaz is still working his second job at South Shore Grille, but we have gotten into a good routine working around it and we also know that it is temporary. And we are VERY thankful for it! 

Also, it was pretty amazing to see God's orchestration of events right before we sold the house. Through our own perseverance of saving the second job money and some small miracles that came through during the last couple months, we were able to bring all our cash to closing without going into any further debt. It still hurt to write those checks and see our savings account go back down to zero, but it was good to know that we didn't have to dig ourselves into a bigger hole to do it. 

This whole experience has taken us through a vortex of emotions, making us confront adulthood and responsibility. Overall, I'd say that God has mostly been at work in our marriage these past two years. He has brought us from a somewhat fragile marriage marked by hiding from each other and poor communication to a strong marriage marked by mutual trust and honesty. Making this change in our life has been worth it just for that alone. I love and trust my husband far more now than I did two years ago, and I think he'd say the same for me. And for the first time in a while, we are truly looking forward to our future. 

Poppy

     So, I haven't posted in months. It's really only because I've found little time to sit down and write. But this week something happened that prompted me to get out pen and paper again: my beloved grandfather went home to be with the Lord. I wrote this in the two days following his death and read it this morning during his funeral service. Please read on and get to know a great man.

As all of you know, my grandfather, Austin “Horsefly” Herring, was a great man. So many of you expressed your feelings about him last night, speaking of his humor, wit, friendliness, sweetness, and love of the Lord.  I knew him to embody all of those qualities as well. But I’d like to tell you about the grandfather I love, my Poppy.

For most of our lives my brother and I considered Poppy to be more than a grandfather—we considered him to be our dad.  I’d almost say that he “stepped in” to act as our father, but that would imply that he made a decision to do so. I believe it was just a natural act for him. Our Poppy was the one to take us on so many camping trips to Sardis Lake in the trailer and the old “Green Hornet” as he called that old Ford. He taught me how to pick the very best tomatoes out of his garden. He taught us how to take care of a home and yard and showed my brother what hard work truly looked like. He helped to teach us both how to drive—and I’ll never forget the time I tried to turn left on a green yield light. He almost put both feet through the floorboards and scared the life out of me. He guided me through the death of my mother, as he had been through the very same experience. He was there to give my then boyfriend the infamous “Herring stare” for several months every time he came to visit—and if you don’t know what that is, then count yourself lucky. He was the one my husband went to to ask for my hand in marriage. And he was the one I chose to give me away on my wedding day.  And then he was the one whose heart I broke when I moved all the way to Texas. But we seemed to only grow closer over the years.

We had a sweet relationship—one that a father should have with his daughter. And through that love, he taught me what it was to be loved like a Princess and how I should expect a man to love me.  In one of our last conversations , Poppy began talking about my grandmother, whom we called Meme. He talked for a while and then said that those last few years were the best of their marriage. I wasn’t necessarily surprised by this because I saw that love in his every action in those years. His gentle care for Meme while she was still living at home has been forever imprinted on my heart. His dedication and faithfulness to get to the nursing home every day he could just to sit with her has become my definition of true love. But I still asked him why—why were those last years the best? He couldn’t really answer me because he was overwhelmed with emotion. He only said that they had a sweet love. I know that this kind of enduring, faithful love is something I will not truly understand until I taste it for myself. But because of the example of love and marriage he provided for me, I believe I will be able to someday know the fullness of that brand of love.

And today that is one of the reasons that I just cannot go very long grieving the loss of my Poppy.  I know that this world was not his true home, and now he is again with his beloved wife of now more than 65 years. You see, his life has not ended; it has only now truly begun. He is now in a place that has been prepared for him by his most precious love of all, Jesus Christ, whom he walked with since the age of 34. My grandfather was able to be more than a grandfather to me because his example of how to live a full and loving life came from the Living God of the Bible.  And my greatest debt of gratitude to him was that he passed on this legacy of faith as one who discipled me.

Now, I don’t want you to think that I won’t or am not grieving the loss of my Poppy, for I surely am and will continue to do so. And what I’ll miss most are those very sweet discussions we would have about the Lord because I so loved to hear of his love for the Lord. But, again, I can’t get over this picture in my mind—one of my Poppy standing in the presence of his precious Savior. So, I guess the best way to honor my Poppy would be to ask you what he considered to be the most important question of all: Do you know Jesus? In that question, you are required to think of a relationship, because truly walking with Jesus, true Christianity is beyond upright moral values or religious attitudes. It is, in its essence, a relationship.  So, as you honor the memory of my grandfather today, please ask yourself that question and remember how he lived out his faith.

                                                                                                                                                                         

memorial stones

In Joshua 3 God performs yet another miracle for the nation of Israel: He takes them into the promised land (after a grueling forty years in the desert) via the Jordan River. And since God is God, he didn't use a ferryboat to get them all across; he simply parted the waters so they could walk across on dry land. 

In the next chapter God commands them through Joshua to build a memorial out of stones so that "When your children ask their fathers in times to come, 'What do those stones mean?' then you shall let your children know, 'Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground'" (v. 21-22). It got me thinking: when was the last time I built a memorial to the Lord? 

What do we use nowadays to commemorate the great things the Lord has done for us? I know many people who use their talents and gifts to worship the Lord or bring attention to him. But what about telling our stories? I think that God's intention in having the Israelites build that memorial was exactly what he said it was for: "your children." 

Picture this: a group of kids are out fishing one day to bring home dinner for the family. They go a bit further downstream than they normally do and pass by this huge pile of stones. They inspect it, poking and prodding each stone to see if it will topple over. The brave one climbs on top to show the others how easy it is and that there's nothing to be afraid of. A couple more clamber up, and they are amazed at their new-found play land. They day is quickly coming to an end, so they return home, fish in tow, telling Mom about this cool pile of stones (leaving out the part about climbing atop it) and asking Dad what the pile of stones was all about. Then the fathers and mothers and grandfathers and grandmothers know it is time. They take their children back out to the river and build a bonfire by the stones. So they sit with their children around them and tell the story of how God delivered them. (Note: this brings both worship and attention to the Lord while also honoring his goodness and mercy)

You see, the Lord does not want us to forget. He knew that the Israelites had already forgotten his mighty works and great mercy. He knows that we will do the same. 

No, maybe the problem is not that we literally forget what the Lord did for us back in the day. Maybe the problem is that we forget what it felt like after the deliverance. Have you forgotten the great relief, love, gratitude, joy, and humility you experienced when God delivered you from that impossible situation? Or when he saved your marriage? Or when he gave you that long sought-after gift? Or have you even forgotten what it felt like when Jesus saved you?

And it's no wonder that we forget those feelings. We get so bogged down with the day-to-day that we lose the passion. I do this all too often. Feelings are not intended to be permanent. This is why our relationships don't work well when we base them off of the emotion of the moment (can I get an Amen from a wife out there!). 

That's the reason for the memorial stones. We look upon the big pile of stones and recall the awe we felt when God did that amazing miracle. And in that moment we are able to tell our story with all the magnificence we felt as it first happened. The best part is that the story wasn't just about how God had parted the Jordan; it was also the stories carried over from their parents and grandparents of all that God had done for them in the desert as well as the hardships they'd endured. And I'm sure their stories would spill over into the recent past as they recounted how God had continued to show his greatness in their lives. Our God is an every day miracle worker. 

So maybe a pile of stones in your front yard isn't cool with your HOA. That's okay. We all have talents and creativity in us. Think of the most recent thing the Lord has done for you and get creative. My thing is writing (and you can see some of my memorial stones in the previous post). Remember, these stories are for our children and each other. Build your memorial to honor God's holy name and worship him. "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!" (Psalm 150:6)

the father's forgiveness

So, I wrote this article titled "The Father's Forgiveness," and a website called Beautifully Rooted posted it today. It's the story of forgiveness between my dad and me. I hope that you are blessed through reading it and seek God's brand of forgiveness in your relationships. 

Beautifully Rooted

my cup of joy

I went out and bought myself a new travel coffee mug from Starbucks the other day. I have this old worn-out one and needed something new that will not only not leak coffee onto my shirt when I drink, but also something that would not easily knock over. I tend to be clumsy.

So, I selected a ceramic mug-like container with a handle. It's not a tall, slender model, but it has a low center of gravity so it will stay put even when I nudge it with my elbow. I also like it because of the little green siren on the front. She always looks so calm and happy. I feel pretty happy when I have my coffee, so I thought I'd name it my cup of joy.

Well, just that afternoon Satan tried to knock over my cup of joy. 

What happened was ultimately a trivial matter, but it left me feeling discouraged and looking only at how long this road ahead of us is. The funny thing is, I had just been telling my husband the day before how content and adjusted I felt. I'm finally in a place where I feel at ease with where we are. 

So, I was sitting there struck with this incident that was threatening my joy and peace. My emotional processing usually goes down this track: the immediate reaction, then the blaming, then the thoughts of "Why do I immediately go to the worst response? What is wrong with me? Shouldn't God's joy be in my heart all the time?" And then I feel guilty for not being a "Super Christian."

Sometimes it is me. Sometimes I am holding onto something that is blocking the Holy Spirit from working in my heart. Sometimes I just don't want to hear from God because I think I know what he's going to say and I don't want to hear it. 

But sometimes it's not me. I am still amazed at how quickly I forget that the Enemy wants to steal my joy and that it is one of his main objectives. He will do whatever it takes to hijack our attention from the Lord. 

Scripture tells us to always be aware of the devil for he "prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8). That's some pretty vivid language! After Paul reminds us that we are battling "against the spiritual forces of evil," he tells us to "take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand the evil day..." (Ephesians 6:12-13). 

Once I realized what was going on, I stopped thinking and started talking. You see, Satan knows me well. He knows my weaknesses better than almost anyone and will push any button to get me going. But Jesus knows me better. Instead of exploiting my weaknesses, he heals them--pushes through them to show his strength. He is the only one who can do this, the only one who can heal me. 

I prayed aloud something like this: "God, I am feeling overwhelmed and afraid right now. I know these feelings are not from you, for your love casts out fear. God, you are truth. Satan, you have no power here. Lord, stop him from trying to make me believe these lies. You have overcome him and you have overcome the world. Stop my thoughts from going down the wrong path. Holy Spirit, focus my attention on you. Readjust my thinking." 

My favorite piece of the "armor of God" is the sword of the Spirit "which is the word of God" (Eph. 6:17). I just recited as much truth as I could remember and then kind of made a chant of it, saying it again and again until I could feel the Holy Spirit. I'm not sure that it translates here, but when you are in the moment of speaking truth against lies, the peace that replaces the fear is quite overwhelming. Truth is our best offensive weapon when we are being attacked. 

Now, I do want to say that I'm not sure I had a little devil whispering in my ear that night. I know that some of you might even be a little freaked out by my even mentioning this subject. But I did know that some lies that had been embedded in my heart long ago were springing back up and they needed to be dealt with. Speaking (and say it aloud!) truth into lies is always a good thing. 

Sometimes all we need to do is remember whose side we are fighting on. The spiritual battles we fight are tricky, and we need to be mindful of any tendency to allow our thoughts to wander down the wrong path (you know what your wrong path is). Remember that even Jesus spoke truth, or scripture, into lies when he was tempted by Satan (see Matthew 4:1-11). 

Remember the next time you are feeling fearful, angry, or tempted by something you know will cause you to sin that you can tell God about it. Remember that he helps us when we are in these weak spots. He is the one with the power to replace our fear with joy. 

blast zone

God likes to use lots of different things to wake us up to what his plans are. 

At times I feel like he is taking a chisel and delicately removing a piece that doesn't belong. Other times he uses a sledgehammer to knock off a large block. Lately he's been using heavy explosives on me, blasting away almost every part of me. Sometimes it feels like he wants there to be nothing left of me!


And that's exactly what he wants. 


A ridiculous series of events happened this past week between myself and my best friend. Once I actually picked up the phone to talk to her (NOT text) and then quieted my heart before the Lord, I realized that I was, for the most part, unfairly taking out my frustration over my circumstances out on my friend. God really blessed me with a friend like her who still loves me even when I act like a child. With a clear head, I was able to unravel the emotions and events of that week, seeing that the root of the problem was my pride and sense of control. 


Yeah, again. 


A week from today will mark one year since we moved out of our house. I just looked through some old posts, and it is abundantly clear that God has been trying to get me to let go of my need to be in control. In fact, it has been the overall theme of my spiritual walk this year. God keeps showing me secret pockets of control I have tried to hide from him. It's like a person on a diet who stashes Little Debbies in her underwear drawer and other unexpected places. (God knows where the Swiss Rolls are hidden!) But the Lord sees all of my secret hiding spots, and he knows when it's time to reveal the truth to me, the truth that he hates those parts of me and so should I. 




My friend Oswald Chambers wrote about sanctification in My Utmost: "Sanctification means being made one with Jesus so that the nature that controlled Him will control us" (Feb. 8). He later reminds us that "the Spirit of God will strip me down until there is nothing left but myself..." (July 22). He can say all these things because Jesus tells us in Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate... his own life... he cannot be my disciple." 


I used to feel uncomfortable with these harsh words from our Lord. But now I know what he means. There are times when the truth of my heart is revealed to me and in that moment I am so disgusted with myself that it literally makes me sick. I know in these moments that I am a person in desperate need of a savior. 


It's not that God doesn't want me; actually it is quite the opposite. He wants me amplified, which is me filled with his light and love. That person cannot exist when she still clings to earthly things like her pride and sense of control. The moment I said Yes to Jesus, he started destroying those parts of me. This past year he has worked overtime! But the amazing thing, the reason I believe in his power is that I trust him more and more with the big things and the little things every day. Each time he removes an old lust, I am confirmed in my faith and trust in him. He shows me what he wants to take away, and I realize that I don't want it anyway. And that happens only because his truth is in my heart. 


Are you in the blast zone right now? If you are a follower of Jesus, be comforted! He is giving you the best gift there is: he is taking away your old heart and replacing it with his own. 

idol makers

God commands us in the Bible, way, way back in Exodus, to not make "a carved image" and to not bow down and worship idols, anything but God. An idol is anything that becomes for us an obsession. It takes our thoughts, our energies, our lusts. It can take all of us if we allow it. An idol is anything, physical or intangible, that takes our focus away from the Lord. 


I have dealt with idols before. The sneaky thing about idols is that they usually don't take the form of a "carved image." The idea of having an object that we worship is quite foreign to most Christians. But Christ, above all, wants our hearts. An idol is, therefore, most at home in our hearts.


And once we allow something to take just one ounce of control over our hearts, it can cause serious damage. It will affect our thoughts, then our speech, then our attitude, then our actions. An idol will consume you. 


I recently realized something I had allowed to become an idol in my heart, something that was taking my focus away from God's truth. Our little old house on Country Glen (the one we are currently leasing out) had begun consuming my thoughts. I was constantly thinking about improvements I wanted to make when we move back in. Our bedroom needed a makeover with some new paint and new arrangement of our furniture (which would also be new). I'd do something new with the little loft area, making a reading nook for Savannah. The dining room, kitchen and breakfast area will need a total overhaul--gutted, walls moved, floor removed. A serious renovation. And the backyard. Well, first it's gotta provide some protection from the heat. So we will need to build a structure covering the patio. And of course I'll have the time then to plant that garden I have always wanted. It will be the perfect oasis...


On and on and more intricately detailed than I care to go into my thoughts went. Now, you may be thinking, "What's the harm in dreaming? Isn't it good to have a goal, something to motivate you?" Certainly! And that is what trapped me. I had no idea that my well-intended thoughts and plans had actually taken root in something much more destructive. 


I allowed myself to plan and dream, thinking there was no harm in these thoughts. But they became obsessive. Once I was almost constantly thinking of what I no longer had, I began to feel hopeless and overwhelmed by our debt. When I thought of our house, I saw something we would never again be able to achieve: true home ownership. This is mine. I want it back. 


And the worst part was that my motivation no longer lay in getting out of debt; my single motivation was to get back into MY house. 


The truth is that God wants us to be free from our debt--our bondage to it--more than he wants us to be living in our house again. Working out our financial problems and freeing ourselves from this burden is having major impacts in our spiritual lives. Our marriage has gone through the wringer this year, but we are becoming closer and building a trust between each other we never previously had. We are learning to face our financial problems instead of neglecting them. We are accepting the fact that our money, possessions, and lives belong only to God. And we are reaching our personal "bottoms" and realizing that God is still all powerful and is able to be our strength when we want to give up. 


The house, while it is tangible, is not eternal. Where is my joy? Where is my hope? It is not in a building. God's goal is not to make me happy, but to make me holy. If I want what he wants for me, I will redirect my thoughts and my motivation. I will let him do what he wants to do in my life and give over the reigns of my heart. Lord, please take it again. 

home economics: part 2

In my last post, I promised a couple of “neat and nerdy” things to share. Welcome, nerds! If you haven’t read the previous post (home economics: part 1) I recommend it because it will provide the foundational explanation for these tools. I hope you find these ideas useful!

1. This has calmed my heartburn—our laminated ledger:

I created this in Word and got it blown up, printed, and laminated at Office Depot for under $5. And, yes, it is on the refrigerator. The concept is that after we sit down and do our two-week budget in our Excel spreadsheet, we write down how much money we've set aside in each "category" (bills, groceries, entertainment, personal care, etc.). Then, at the end of every day, we will deduct our spending (how much, where, date) from the various categories. And finally we will keep a running balance of what remains in each category. 

There are two main reasons we like this: it provides a perfect avenue for planning and accountability. Remember that since we’re doing a bi-weekly budget and having regular budget meetings, we are talking and planning together (see previous post).

This tool also soothes both of our biggest stressors. Chaz's biggest need is to be able to see what bills are being paid and when and how much money we have remaining in a certain category. My biggest need is to put pen to paper. I tried using Mint.com, and, while it is a great tool, I realized I am an old-school kind of gal. I have to do the math with a calculator and write down my spending like in the old checkbook ledgers our parents used. I know that you can do this with the envelope system (a la Dave Ramsey), but we found that that didn't work for us because we would move cash around to other categories too easily, and it left little accountability to one another because we had separate envelope systems (but this is a great system if you are on your own or if you and your spouse are very diligent about checking the balances together). Anyway, seeing it all up there on the refrigerator makes it real and helps us to stay accountable to one another. 

So far we both feel better emotionally knowing what is going where and actually seeing it on paper. We've been talking about our money more, and not in those long-winded, heated conversations, but the short ones in which a decision is quickly made. We’re three weeks in and, as stated earlier, it’s calmed some anxiety. I do have a clean copy of this in Word if you'd like one to manipulate to suit your needs. 

2. Warning! This might make your mind explode—our two-week menu:

Two years ago my mother-in-law proposed the idea of writing out a weekly menu so that I could be less stressful come dinnertime. I scoffed at the idea at first, but as we became poorer, I saw it as a way to save trips to the grocery store thereby saving money. 

I've been planning a weekly menu for several months now, also planning my once-a-week grocery store trip around it. But I've noticed several hiccups in this plan. First, I did it alone and I hate planning meals, so this was always a source of stress for me. Second, I found that many of the things I'd buy, especially meat in bulk (cheaper) would last more than just one week. I'd end up going over budget for one week and into another week with groceries. This isn't necessarily bad, but it didn't all add up on paper and that drove me crazy. Third, Chaz would always want things that I didn't get because I didn't know he wanted them, so he'd end up going on his own for "a few things" and come back home with ten. Arguments ensued over pickles. That's just silly!

Now the plan is that I will make only ONE main grocery store trip in a two-week period (this includes toiletries, paper, and cleaning products). Chaz and I sat down after our budget meeting and planned a two-week menu. This was so much easier than going it alone because my sweet husband enjoys cooking and being part of deciding what's for dinner. I know not everyone is so lucky, but I encourage you to try it anyway--you might find it to be fun! 

It made so much sense because I try to buy meats in bulk, so we always end up using the meat into the next week (bag it and freeze it). The menu planning became easy as he rattled off possible meals and I filled in the days on paper. It was clear that a bulk package of pork chops could last us at least three meals, so I spread the days out in between and the two weeks started filling up fast. 

I'll note that as we decided on the meals, we consulted the weekly grocery ads everyone gets in the mail. We found that a few of our staples were cheaper at HEB because of some deals going on, and a few things were cheaper at Kroger. I mainly shop at Kroger because it's closer and I can get their online coupons and fuel points for gas. 

All in all, we spent $130 LESS than our average grocery spending in the first two-week period that we tried this strategy. We’ve made a great start on this next period, so I’ll let you know how that goes, too.

I truly hope that these ideas spark creativity within your inner nerd. And remember that this is not as much about pinching pennies as it is about managing your resources.