In Joshua 3 God performs yet another miracle for the nation of Israel: He takes them into the promised land (after a grueling forty years in the desert) via the Jordan River. And since God is God, he didn't use a ferryboat to get them all across; he simply parted the waters so they could walk across on dry land.
In the next chapter God commands them through Joshua to build a memorial out of stones so that "When your children ask their fathers in times to come, 'What do those stones mean?' then you shall let your children know, 'Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground'" (v. 21-22). It got me thinking: when was the last time I built a memorial to the Lord?
What do we use nowadays to commemorate the great things the Lord has done for us? I know many people who use their talents and gifts to worship the Lord or bring attention to him. But what about telling our stories? I think that God's intention in having the Israelites build that memorial was exactly what he said it was for: "your children."
Picture this: a group of kids are out fishing one day to bring home dinner for the family. They go a bit further downstream than they normally do and pass by this huge pile of stones. They inspect it, poking and prodding each stone to see if it will topple over. The brave one climbs on top to show the others how easy it is and that there's nothing to be afraid of. A couple more clamber up, and they are amazed at their new-found play land. They day is quickly coming to an end, so they return home, fish in tow, telling Mom about this cool pile of stones (leaving out the part about climbing atop it) and asking Dad what the pile of stones was all about. Then the fathers and mothers and grandfathers and grandmothers know it is time. They take their children back out to the river and build a bonfire by the stones. So they sit with their children around them and tell the story of how God delivered them. (Note: this brings both worship and attention to the Lord while also honoring his goodness and mercy)
You see, the Lord does not want us to forget. He knew that the Israelites had already forgotten his mighty works and great mercy. He knows that we will do the same.
No, maybe the problem is not that we literally forget what the Lord did for us back in the day. Maybe the problem is that we forget what it felt like after the deliverance. Have you forgotten the great relief, love, gratitude, joy, and humility you experienced when God delivered you from that impossible situation? Or when he saved your marriage? Or when he gave you that long sought-after gift? Or have you even forgotten what it felt like when Jesus saved you?
And it's no wonder that we forget those feelings. We get so bogged down with the day-to-day that we lose the passion. I do this all too often. Feelings are not intended to be permanent. This is why our relationships don't work well when we base them off of the emotion of the moment (can I get an Amen from a wife out there!).
That's the reason for the memorial stones. We look upon the big pile of stones and recall the awe we felt when God did that amazing miracle. And in that moment we are able to tell our story with all the magnificence we felt as it first happened. The best part is that the story wasn't just about how God had parted the Jordan; it was also the stories carried over from their parents and grandparents of all that God had done for them in the desert as well as the hardships they'd endured. And I'm sure their stories would spill over into the recent past as they recounted how God had continued to show his greatness in their lives. Our God is an every day miracle worker.
So maybe a pile of stones in your front yard isn't cool with your HOA. That's okay. We all have talents and creativity in us. Think of the most recent thing the Lord has done for you and get creative. My thing is writing (and you can see some of my memorial stones in the previous post). Remember, these stories are for our children and each other. Build your memorial to honor God's holy name and worship him. "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!" (Psalm 150:6)
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Monday, October 22, 2012
Friday, October 28, 2011
temptation
Not too long ago I spoke with a friend about temptation. She was sorely disappointed in herself because she was yet again at a place where she was wrestling with the same thing she had always wrestled with. I could hear the defeat in her voice when she said, "I thought I had conquered this but here I am again." It stuck with me because I have been there, too.
It is so hard because a false belief that floats around in the Christian community is that Christians have it all together. Even when we know that we are not perfect and never can be, we still try to make ourselves fit into that box of perfection. We are so thankful that Christ died for us and made us right before God, but we still think that we owe him one and ought to not mess up anymore. I really believe every Christian thinks that way sometimes.
And indeed we ought not try to sin anymore and should seek Christ and his righteousness. But I'm talking about giving ourselves a bit of grace in times of temptation. When we get to that place of "Oh, here I am again--that means I must not have grown at all and I've learned nothing" I think we need to take a little heart check.
Doesn't the simple fact that you realize you are in "that place" again mean that you have grown? Previously, wouldn't you have just fallen into the old pattern of sin and not given it a second thought? Stopping just short of committing an old sin and wrestling against the temptation speaks volumes on how much a person has grown in their faith.
And in the case of my friend--she called me to talk about it. I pointed out to her that calling on a fellow Christian in a time of temptation is a huge sign of her growth. She called me and not another friend, a friend that would not understand her struggle and just advise her to follow her desires with a tagline of "What's the big deal?" The ability to recognize your need to share a struggle with someone who can hold you accountable is another sign of growth.
Finally, keep in mind that this entire line of thinking puts us at the helm of our spiritual growth instead of Christ. The idea that "I thought I had conquered this" is dangerous ground because it makes me the one who can defeat sin when I have no ability to do so. Put your trust in the fact that Christ has justified you and is continuing to work out something amazing in you so that he can present you as "holy and blameless" before God (Colossians 1:22).
Let's stop this pattern of beating ourselves up each time we are tempted with "that old sin." Satan knows our weaknesses, and while we still live in this world we will have to face them. Remind yourself that "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). So, now that we have faith in Christ remember that "if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, we shall be saved by His life" (Romans 5:10). If Christ saved you while you were still a sinner, doesn't his grace cover you even more now that you have been justified by his blood? Doesn't that grace cover you in times of temptation? Doesn't he give you the grace to overcome the temptation? Know that he does and remind yourself that your sanctification is not in the past but is an active, living, present condition.
It is so hard because a false belief that floats around in the Christian community is that Christians have it all together. Even when we know that we are not perfect and never can be, we still try to make ourselves fit into that box of perfection. We are so thankful that Christ died for us and made us right before God, but we still think that we owe him one and ought to not mess up anymore. I really believe every Christian thinks that way sometimes.
And indeed we ought not try to sin anymore and should seek Christ and his righteousness. But I'm talking about giving ourselves a bit of grace in times of temptation. When we get to that place of "Oh, here I am again--that means I must not have grown at all and I've learned nothing" I think we need to take a little heart check.
Doesn't the simple fact that you realize you are in "that place" again mean that you have grown? Previously, wouldn't you have just fallen into the old pattern of sin and not given it a second thought? Stopping just short of committing an old sin and wrestling against the temptation speaks volumes on how much a person has grown in their faith.
And in the case of my friend--she called me to talk about it. I pointed out to her that calling on a fellow Christian in a time of temptation is a huge sign of her growth. She called me and not another friend, a friend that would not understand her struggle and just advise her to follow her desires with a tagline of "What's the big deal?" The ability to recognize your need to share a struggle with someone who can hold you accountable is another sign of growth.
Finally, keep in mind that this entire line of thinking puts us at the helm of our spiritual growth instead of Christ. The idea that "I thought I had conquered this" is dangerous ground because it makes me the one who can defeat sin when I have no ability to do so. Put your trust in the fact that Christ has justified you and is continuing to work out something amazing in you so that he can present you as "holy and blameless" before God (Colossians 1:22).
Let's stop this pattern of beating ourselves up each time we are tempted with "that old sin." Satan knows our weaknesses, and while we still live in this world we will have to face them. Remind yourself that "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). So, now that we have faith in Christ remember that "if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, we shall be saved by His life" (Romans 5:10). If Christ saved you while you were still a sinner, doesn't his grace cover you even more now that you have been justified by his blood? Doesn't that grace cover you in times of temptation? Doesn't he give you the grace to overcome the temptation? Know that he does and remind yourself that your sanctification is not in the past but is an active, living, present condition.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
delusions of a stay-at-home mom
Sometimes I wonder if I should really stay at home.
Yesterday, for example, was a mess. Baby Savy kept waking up during the night and during the day would hardly nap. Baby Blayke (I am watching another infant, four days younger than Savannah which makes it difficult to get out of the house) was only happy if I held her upright (apparently the Grandparents that watched her all weekend forgot that babies DO need to be put down to play on their own). By late afternoon, I had to take a mini break during a double-crying fit and shut myself up in the bedroom for a couple of minutes. I just keep saying, "God, please help me!"
Today has been much more relaxed, and I feel accomplished having cleaned the apartment and taken care of some business. But, like I said, there are many days when I wonder "what if?" What if I had chosen to work outside the home? What if I had ventured on a new career--found something I truly enjoyed? These questions come because the days do indeed run together when you are pent up inside all day. When I was working, I couldn't wait for the time when I'd get to relax all day with my little bundle of joy, cleaning house a little, learning how to cook a little more (which is still very much a work in progress). But now I will do almost anything to go run an errand late at night while Chaz watches Savannah just so I can get some alone time--even if it is with a hundred other people at Wal-Mart.
I wonder if I am really cut out for this job. The thing is, I never got so worked up when I was working. Sure I would get stressed out at times and I hated taking work home with me and I complained ad nauseam about how the impromptu pep rally ruined my lesson for seventh period. But it was a world in which I felt comfortable. It was always changing but within a sphere of predictability, which I loved. Sometimes I think I enjoyed the control I had as a teacher more than anything (which is not good). As a stay at home mom, I have routine and predictability but to an almost depressing degree. Sometimes the most surprising thing that happens is what kind of poop Savannah has in her diaper.
After Savy came, I thought I would enjoy being a stay-at-home mom without question, but it is very hard. Not hard in the sense of duty but hard because for the first time in my life I have to meet the demands of someone else before I meet my own demands. I'm not saying that I feel burdened by motherhood, but it is definitely not all that I had expected.
I know that in reality I would be a very poor working mom. The standards I place on myself would not endure perfection in three categories (i.e. teacher, wife, mom). And by and large these feelings I have mentioned are mostly fleeting. Mostly I think I am still working out the kinks of my new job. I don't give myself enough credit for what I do or enough grace for mistakes. I believe that is a fault in all moms--working outside the home or not--that we need to correct. If we believe in a God who is merciful beyond our comprehension then we should try to take a lesson in mercy for our own hearts.
I have always heard that being a parent will give you greater insight on God's love toward us. One of the lessons I see at work in myself is that while I still have times of selfishness (and always will), it is becoming easier to give up what I want in order to meet the needs of my daughter. Being a stay-at-home mom does have its moments of grandeur--these moments just come in smaller packages. For example, Savannah's new venture is rolling from back to belly all day long. She's just having trouble getting from belly to back. I am thankful that I have chosen to be the one who always gets to show her how to set herself right again. For that, some boring and mundane moments in my day are easy sacrifices.
Yesterday, for example, was a mess. Baby Savy kept waking up during the night and during the day would hardly nap. Baby Blayke (I am watching another infant, four days younger than Savannah which makes it difficult to get out of the house) was only happy if I held her upright (apparently the Grandparents that watched her all weekend forgot that babies DO need to be put down to play on their own). By late afternoon, I had to take a mini break during a double-crying fit and shut myself up in the bedroom for a couple of minutes. I just keep saying, "God, please help me!"
Today has been much more relaxed, and I feel accomplished having cleaned the apartment and taken care of some business. But, like I said, there are many days when I wonder "what if?" What if I had chosen to work outside the home? What if I had ventured on a new career--found something I truly enjoyed? These questions come because the days do indeed run together when you are pent up inside all day. When I was working, I couldn't wait for the time when I'd get to relax all day with my little bundle of joy, cleaning house a little, learning how to cook a little more (which is still very much a work in progress). But now I will do almost anything to go run an errand late at night while Chaz watches Savannah just so I can get some alone time--even if it is with a hundred other people at Wal-Mart.
I wonder if I am really cut out for this job. The thing is, I never got so worked up when I was working. Sure I would get stressed out at times and I hated taking work home with me and I complained ad nauseam about how the impromptu pep rally ruined my lesson for seventh period. But it was a world in which I felt comfortable. It was always changing but within a sphere of predictability, which I loved. Sometimes I think I enjoyed the control I had as a teacher more than anything (which is not good). As a stay at home mom, I have routine and predictability but to an almost depressing degree. Sometimes the most surprising thing that happens is what kind of poop Savannah has in her diaper.
After Savy came, I thought I would enjoy being a stay-at-home mom without question, but it is very hard. Not hard in the sense of duty but hard because for the first time in my life I have to meet the demands of someone else before I meet my own demands. I'm not saying that I feel burdened by motherhood, but it is definitely not all that I had expected.
I know that in reality I would be a very poor working mom. The standards I place on myself would not endure perfection in three categories (i.e. teacher, wife, mom). And by and large these feelings I have mentioned are mostly fleeting. Mostly I think I am still working out the kinks of my new job. I don't give myself enough credit for what I do or enough grace for mistakes. I believe that is a fault in all moms--working outside the home or not--that we need to correct. If we believe in a God who is merciful beyond our comprehension then we should try to take a lesson in mercy for our own hearts.
I have always heard that being a parent will give you greater insight on God's love toward us. One of the lessons I see at work in myself is that while I still have times of selfishness (and always will), it is becoming easier to give up what I want in order to meet the needs of my daughter. Being a stay-at-home mom does have its moments of grandeur--these moments just come in smaller packages. For example, Savannah's new venture is rolling from back to belly all day long. She's just having trouble getting from belly to back. I am thankful that I have chosen to be the one who always gets to show her how to set herself right again. For that, some boring and mundane moments in my day are easy sacrifices.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
debt and grace
So, I've been thinking a lot about debt lately. In my last post I announced that we are selling our house to help relieve our debt problem. On the advice of our Realtor, we are going to lease the house until we will be able to move back in (in three to four years after we pay off our student loans). We've been apartment hunting and let me tell you, it's a kick in our pride pants. Quite humbling. We aren't looking at the fancy apartments of our past, but the ones that will really help us to save the kind of money we need to save in order to pay off our debt. It just ain't pretty.
Now that D-Day is approaching (which is August 1, the day the tenant moves into our house), I'm getting pretty depressed about the whole ordeal.
My thoughts recently have pretty much revolved around this. I keep comparing our situation to that of friends who made better financial choices, and I just beat myself up with "if only..."
As my thoughts wander (I have a lot of time to think while I'm breastfeeding), I sometimes dream of the "ultimate" situation in which we could move into a sweet apartment and keep all of our stuff and then get our student loans paid off super fast so that we could move back into our house in just a couple of years instead of four. But my conclusion is always "Why would we be blessed like that when we have been so negligent?" Basically, we don't deserve that kind of blessing. We had our time to do things the right way, and we didn't. Now we'll just have to work with what we can, do what we can do, and be open to learning what God has in store for us.
But God always shows me his perspective. I was playing with Savannah yesterday when it clicked. I was having one of those parental moments in which you stare at your child in awe of how amazing he/she is. God plainly told me that I AM blessed. As in the present--I am currently being blessed. My marriage is a blessing. My child--just her mere existence--is a blessing. My family and incredible friends are all blessings in my life. And most importantly my salvation is a blessing. When I think about how Jesus' sacrifice covers my sins--really think about it--I don't understand it. Why would God choose to do that? Why would he sacrifice his son to save me? When I slam the steering wheel in anger at the long red light, I am reminded of my sin. When I speak condescendingly to my husband, I am reminded of my sin. When I laugh along with a comedian's racial/sexual/immoral joke, I am reminded of my sin. His sacrifice far exceeds the debt I owe. I certainly do not deserve Christ's sacrifice, but I know I am blessed beyond measure to have received it.
In the past three months, I have realized that I will never, in any way, ever be able to express to Savannah how much I love her. I doubt she will ever know the extent to which I love her until she has her own child. I can glimpse God's perspective in this--how his love far exceeds anything we can ever fathom. Those who believe in him are "sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the down payment of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it" (Ephesians 1:13-14). And when I get bogged down in the mundane, worrying about my situation, I can look at the Cross and sing with thankfulness that he has showered me with his grace.
lyrics by Shane and Shane
Now that D-Day is approaching (which is August 1, the day the tenant moves into our house), I'm getting pretty depressed about the whole ordeal.
My thoughts recently have pretty much revolved around this. I keep comparing our situation to that of friends who made better financial choices, and I just beat myself up with "if only..."
As my thoughts wander (I have a lot of time to think while I'm breastfeeding), I sometimes dream of the "ultimate" situation in which we could move into a sweet apartment and keep all of our stuff and then get our student loans paid off super fast so that we could move back into our house in just a couple of years instead of four. But my conclusion is always "Why would we be blessed like that when we have been so negligent?" Basically, we don't deserve that kind of blessing. We had our time to do things the right way, and we didn't. Now we'll just have to work with what we can, do what we can do, and be open to learning what God has in store for us.
But God always shows me his perspective. I was playing with Savannah yesterday when it clicked. I was having one of those parental moments in which you stare at your child in awe of how amazing he/she is. God plainly told me that I AM blessed. As in the present--I am currently being blessed. My marriage is a blessing. My child--just her mere existence--is a blessing. My family and incredible friends are all blessings in my life. And most importantly my salvation is a blessing. When I think about how Jesus' sacrifice covers my sins--really think about it--I don't understand it. Why would God choose to do that? Why would he sacrifice his son to save me? When I slam the steering wheel in anger at the long red light, I am reminded of my sin. When I speak condescendingly to my husband, I am reminded of my sin. When I laugh along with a comedian's racial/sexual/immoral joke, I am reminded of my sin. His sacrifice far exceeds the debt I owe. I certainly do not deserve Christ's sacrifice, but I know I am blessed beyond measure to have received it.
In the past three months, I have realized that I will never, in any way, ever be able to express to Savannah how much I love her. I doubt she will ever know the extent to which I love her until she has her own child. I can glimpse God's perspective in this--how his love far exceeds anything we can ever fathom. Those who believe in him are "sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the down payment of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it" (Ephesians 1:13-14). And when I get bogged down in the mundane, worrying about my situation, I can look at the Cross and sing with thankfulness that he has showered me with his grace.
Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on his hands,
My name is written on his heart;
I know that while in heaven he stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart.
When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/shane_and_shane/before_the_throne_of_god_above.html ]
Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One,
Risen Son of God!
Behold him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I am,
The King of glory and of grace!
One in himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God
With Christ, my Savior and my God
I have a strong, a perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on his hands,
My name is written on his heart;
I know that while in heaven he stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart.
When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/shane_and_shane/before_the_throne_of_god_above.html ]
Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One,
Risen Son of God!
Behold him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I am,
The King of glory and of grace!
One in himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God
With Christ, my Savior and my God
lyrics by Shane and Shane
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
servant
I've been stagnant for too long. Sure, I just had a kid, yeah I know. But I'm talking about spiritual stagnation. God has done so much work in my life these past couple years especially, but what have I done? I have allowed him to work, sure, but isn't there supposed to be more than that? What have I done for him? I've gotta say, not a whole lot.
What I realized is that my daughter is the one who is prompting these feelings. Nobody can tell you about the weight of responsibility you feel after having a child. I'm supposed to be a role model for her--the model of what a woman who loves Christ looks like. That's crazy! Sure she's just an infant... so I should give myself a break. I've got at least a year before she starts really watching me, right? Well, maybe, but I'm sure it will be better to get into the practice of godliness now.
The truth is my God has done enough for me already. Not only did Christ die for me, but he has imparted grace and knowledge to me by stretching and growing me. Being patient with me--being a parent to me. Now it is my time--not to do life on my own, but to serve God by serving others with the grace and knowledge he has given me. The one big area that I have lacked in servant-hood is in my relationship with my husband.
Oh, this is hard. It's hard not only to realize it but to admit it and put it out there. So God's design for marriage is that the husband leads his wife and she submits to him. And if the husband is the leader then that makes HIM ultimately the one responsible for his family to God. If God says, "Hey, you messed up here" then that is the husband's bad, not the wife's. This is demonstrated in the first marriage relationship of Adam and Eve. Even though it was Eve who first took of the forbidden fruit, God sought out Adam to explain what happened. So it should be comforting to me, as a wife, to know that God holds my husband responsible for our family. But it doesn't.
God cursed Eve (and therefore all women) saying, "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you" Gen. 3:16. I desire his role of authority but don't want the responsibility of it, just as Eve blamed the serpent for deceiving her rather than taking the responsibility for disobeying God as she did (Gen. 3:13). If I am to be honest with myself and before God I must admit that I have never fully given the reigns of responsibility to my husband because I am afraid to give up that control. In essence I have not fully trusted God in handling my marriage because I have not completely trusted my husband.
In the past year God has called me to trust him again and again without knowing what the future holds (I think that's the definition of faith). He called me to quit my job. He called me to believe that he would give me a child even in my desperate, dark moments of doubt. And he has shown me why he asked those things of me. I know I'm supposed to be a stay-at-home mom. Surprisingly, though, I'm finding that it's not just about being there to raise my daughter. It's about me giving up the control and fulfillment I found in providing financially for our family. It's about totally trusting that my husband will provide for us. It's about making sacrifices in the way that we live so that I can obey God's call on my life. It's not about others changing, it's about me changing. And it is HARD!
I'd like to think that God would give me a break for a few years. Just let me sip tea on the front porch swing and take a load off. But he's not about that. He is about "testing [our] faith" to "produce steadfastness" or consistency and faithfulness (James 1:2). If I expect my life to change, I've gotta move out of the way and let my Lord work in me. The best way for me to do that is to be a servant.
What I realized is that my daughter is the one who is prompting these feelings. Nobody can tell you about the weight of responsibility you feel after having a child. I'm supposed to be a role model for her--the model of what a woman who loves Christ looks like. That's crazy! Sure she's just an infant... so I should give myself a break. I've got at least a year before she starts really watching me, right? Well, maybe, but I'm sure it will be better to get into the practice of godliness now.
The truth is my God has done enough for me already. Not only did Christ die for me, but he has imparted grace and knowledge to me by stretching and growing me. Being patient with me--being a parent to me. Now it is my time--not to do life on my own, but to serve God by serving others with the grace and knowledge he has given me. The one big area that I have lacked in servant-hood is in my relationship with my husband.
Oh, this is hard. It's hard not only to realize it but to admit it and put it out there. So God's design for marriage is that the husband leads his wife and she submits to him. And if the husband is the leader then that makes HIM ultimately the one responsible for his family to God. If God says, "Hey, you messed up here" then that is the husband's bad, not the wife's. This is demonstrated in the first marriage relationship of Adam and Eve. Even though it was Eve who first took of the forbidden fruit, God sought out Adam to explain what happened. So it should be comforting to me, as a wife, to know that God holds my husband responsible for our family. But it doesn't.
God cursed Eve (and therefore all women) saying, "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you" Gen. 3:16. I desire his role of authority but don't want the responsibility of it, just as Eve blamed the serpent for deceiving her rather than taking the responsibility for disobeying God as she did (Gen. 3:13). If I am to be honest with myself and before God I must admit that I have never fully given the reigns of responsibility to my husband because I am afraid to give up that control. In essence I have not fully trusted God in handling my marriage because I have not completely trusted my husband.
In the past year God has called me to trust him again and again without knowing what the future holds (I think that's the definition of faith). He called me to quit my job. He called me to believe that he would give me a child even in my desperate, dark moments of doubt. And he has shown me why he asked those things of me. I know I'm supposed to be a stay-at-home mom. Surprisingly, though, I'm finding that it's not just about being there to raise my daughter. It's about me giving up the control and fulfillment I found in providing financially for our family. It's about totally trusting that my husband will provide for us. It's about making sacrifices in the way that we live so that I can obey God's call on my life. It's not about others changing, it's about me changing. And it is HARD!
I'd like to think that God would give me a break for a few years. Just let me sip tea on the front porch swing and take a load off. But he's not about that. He is about "testing [our] faith" to "produce steadfastness" or consistency and faithfulness (James 1:2). If I expect my life to change, I've gotta move out of the way and let my Lord work in me. The best way for me to do that is to be a servant.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)