my cup of joy

I went out and bought myself a new travel coffee mug from Starbucks the other day. I have this old worn-out one and needed something new that will not only not leak coffee onto my shirt when I drink, but also something that would not easily knock over. I tend to be clumsy.

So, I selected a ceramic mug-like container with a handle. It's not a tall, slender model, but it has a low center of gravity so it will stay put even when I nudge it with my elbow. I also like it because of the little green siren on the front. She always looks so calm and happy. I feel pretty happy when I have my coffee, so I thought I'd name it my cup of joy.

Well, just that afternoon Satan tried to knock over my cup of joy. 

What happened was ultimately a trivial matter, but it left me feeling discouraged and looking only at how long this road ahead of us is. The funny thing is, I had just been telling my husband the day before how content and adjusted I felt. I'm finally in a place where I feel at ease with where we are. 

So, I was sitting there struck with this incident that was threatening my joy and peace. My emotional processing usually goes down this track: the immediate reaction, then the blaming, then the thoughts of "Why do I immediately go to the worst response? What is wrong with me? Shouldn't God's joy be in my heart all the time?" And then I feel guilty for not being a "Super Christian."

Sometimes it is me. Sometimes I am holding onto something that is blocking the Holy Spirit from working in my heart. Sometimes I just don't want to hear from God because I think I know what he's going to say and I don't want to hear it. 

But sometimes it's not me. I am still amazed at how quickly I forget that the Enemy wants to steal my joy and that it is one of his main objectives. He will do whatever it takes to hijack our attention from the Lord. 

Scripture tells us to always be aware of the devil for he "prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8). That's some pretty vivid language! After Paul reminds us that we are battling "against the spiritual forces of evil," he tells us to "take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand the evil day..." (Ephesians 6:12-13). 

Once I realized what was going on, I stopped thinking and started talking. You see, Satan knows me well. He knows my weaknesses better than almost anyone and will push any button to get me going. But Jesus knows me better. Instead of exploiting my weaknesses, he heals them--pushes through them to show his strength. He is the only one who can do this, the only one who can heal me. 

I prayed aloud something like this: "God, I am feeling overwhelmed and afraid right now. I know these feelings are not from you, for your love casts out fear. God, you are truth. Satan, you have no power here. Lord, stop him from trying to make me believe these lies. You have overcome him and you have overcome the world. Stop my thoughts from going down the wrong path. Holy Spirit, focus my attention on you. Readjust my thinking." 

My favorite piece of the "armor of God" is the sword of the Spirit "which is the word of God" (Eph. 6:17). I just recited as much truth as I could remember and then kind of made a chant of it, saying it again and again until I could feel the Holy Spirit. I'm not sure that it translates here, but when you are in the moment of speaking truth against lies, the peace that replaces the fear is quite overwhelming. Truth is our best offensive weapon when we are being attacked. 

Now, I do want to say that I'm not sure I had a little devil whispering in my ear that night. I know that some of you might even be a little freaked out by my even mentioning this subject. But I did know that some lies that had been embedded in my heart long ago were springing back up and they needed to be dealt with. Speaking (and say it aloud!) truth into lies is always a good thing. 

Sometimes all we need to do is remember whose side we are fighting on. The spiritual battles we fight are tricky, and we need to be mindful of any tendency to allow our thoughts to wander down the wrong path (you know what your wrong path is). Remember that even Jesus spoke truth, or scripture, into lies when he was tempted by Satan (see Matthew 4:1-11). 

Remember the next time you are feeling fearful, angry, or tempted by something you know will cause you to sin that you can tell God about it. Remember that he helps us when we are in these weak spots. He is the one with the power to replace our fear with joy. 

war games

Do you ever feel like you are going insane? I have felt that way several times during the past few weeks. The stress of living out of our suitcases (or, rather, piles of clothes on a closet floor) will get to me in the most mundane moments of my day. For example: I walk upstairs for the umpteenth time to get a few diapers before I leave the house, but instead I go to the bathroom and then walk back downstairs sans diapers. For that little brain lapse I threw whatever was in my hand across the room... don't worry, it was just chap stick, not the baby.

Mostly I can look back on these moments (and trust me, the chap stick incident was tame compared to some of the others) and laugh at how silly and childish I behaved. But I think the Lord is trying to make me see these moments differently. My tolerance for anything that makes my life more inconvenient than it already is is very low which, in turn, makes my anger level high. The smallest things can throw me into a mini tantrum. I think that only my dog or Savannah and sometimes my husband see these tantrums, but when I added up all of these outbursts I noticed something big. 


Sure the people who won't remember or who love me enough to forgive me see them, but God also sees, of course. But more importantly, what I realized is that even after I have recovered myself, that scar of anger is already there in my heart. I will always remember how good it felt to just let it out and not care who I affected. The problem is that all of those moments make up who I am--they mold my character. If I consistently and willingly allow myself to succumb to anger in a frustrating or overwhelming moment then that is my fault. It is not the fault of my circumstances--I am not a child.


The Lord continues to remind me to "take every thought captive to obey Christ" on a moment-to-moment basis, especially on bad days when I am frustrated by my lack of control (2 Corinthians 10:5). I am struck by the difficult work it takes to be a Christian and to fight these spiritual battles that most of us would rather ignore. We usually fight to change our circumstances, but we ignore the spiritual battles and deem them as something in that realm of the unreal. It is understandably difficult to even recognize the spiritual battles when our lives are lived in flesh and blood. But, of course, that is the Enemy's prerogative. 


Paul, in defense of his ministry to the Corinthians, professes that "though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ" (2 Cor. 10:3-5). Every battle is truly in the mind--between who we will allow to control it. Wayne A. Grudem writes in the easy-to-digest theology book Christian Beliefs that "those who believe in Jesus should realize that through death, Jesus nullified the power of [the Enemy]" (p.56). In Christ we have power and authority to fight these spiritual battles and should fight them, confident of what Christ has already accomplished. 


So in those times of frustration and anger I should remind myself what is at stake: the very character that Christ has been forming in me from the moment he saved me. It is worth fighting for, especially when you are on the winning team. By allowing his peace to cover me each day, I bring honor to his name.