our debt-free journey

(Hi! I have moved to a new blog on WordPress at https://rischywill.wordpress.com/. You can read Our Debt-Free Journey there at https://rischywill.wordpress.com/our-debt-free-journey/. Thanks!)

Chaz and I began our debt-free journey in late 2010. I was pregnant with our first child when he finally talked me into doing Financial PeaceUniversity. We were in bad shape. I had quit a full-time teaching job to be a stay-at-home mom, and his career had taken an unforeseen detour and landed him in a job where he was miserable. We had two student loans, a mortgage, and various other small debts. Once my full-time income was depleted, we realized something had to give.

FPU was an eye-opener, to say the least. For Chaz, it was about getting us on the same page; he had been applying Ramsey’s principles for about a year to help us pay off our cars. For me, it was about realizing that money was not the enemy. Money was a tool, and we could learn to use that tool successfully and in ways that would honor God. We were diligent with the class and became serious about getting out of debt.

But before we could get out of debt, we had to fix a major problem: our income didn’t cover our bills and other expenses. Chaz and I had decided together that I would stay at home to raise our child. This was something we had always wanted, but we had never actually planned for it financially. And I felt a calling from God to quit my job before I even became pregnant. It was obvious that my going back to work full-time was not an option, but at the same time, it was the only option that made financial sense. Ultimately, we both knew God had something bigger in store for us and that we needed to just trust Him with this decision.

Not long after our first child was born, we knew we had to give up our house. I remember Chaz telling me that this is what we had to do. I cried knowing he was right while hating the decision. How could we have let things get this bad? How could we have been so stupid and careless? Buying the house had been our first big mistake. We bought it when we had two student loans, two car payments, and paid almost nothing down. In hindsight, getting out of debt should have been our top priority. Our Realtor suggested we rent the house out for a while since the market was so terrible (this was 2011) and we had no equity. That was golden advice since we would have gone into much more debt trying to sell the house at that time. So, we began to prepare our house as a rental. We also sold a good many of our belongings to make downsizing a little easier and packed up our house, preparing to move into a small apartment.

Then we got this amazing opportunity to live in a house for free for a year!  Basically, a friend of a friend was possibly moving his family out of state for work temporarily. He was just waiting on the go ahead from his boss. If we could hold out a few weeks, he would know for sure.

This was the first real test for us and especially for me in trusting my husband to take the lead. We both felt we had to take the chance on it, but in order to do that we were going to need a place to stay when the tenant moved into our newly rented home. In stepped Curtis and Christie Frodge. At the time, we were only acquaintances. She read about our crazy story on my blog, and they decided to walk in faith with us: they offered us to live with them in an extra room, free of charge, for as long as we needed until we got the house-sitting gig. It was just the incentive we needed to take the big risk.

For five weeks, we lived in a bedroom out of our suitcases with a five-month-old baby and a dog. We shared a home with another family and became part of their lives and their story forever. We also became part of their small group. It was a beautiful time of Christian unity while also a tangibly stressful time for Chaz and me. Three weeks in, we found out the house-sitting gig wasn't going to work out.

Soon thereafter, we moved into a 750 square-foot apartment. The move was all but devastating. Our pride took an enormous blow; we had failed. We had it all, and we screwed it up. I felt the failure every day for a long time, and I questioned my decision to stay home with my infant daughter every day. And why did the opportunity for the house-sitting gig even arise? Why had that been laid in our laps if God knew it wasn’t going to work out anyway? The questions and doubts began to settle in and fester.

That first year after we moved out of our house brought us to the lowest point in our marriage and into an even worse financial state. We had been married five years, and every bad financial decision from those five years seemed to pile up on us all at once. We kept taking hits. Bills would come in one right after the other. There were a few months that I dreaded opening the mailbox. On top of that, we still had the house to care for. It seemed there was always something that needed fixing. We owed money that we didn’t even know about, and we had almost nothing with which to pay the bills. Our problems were overwhelming, and getting out of debt wasn’t even on the radar anymore.

It was just ridiculous! We had followed what we believed God was calling us to do and everything got WORSE. We wanted to get out of debt, so we downsized. But we still didn’t have extra money. Nothing made sense. I blamed my husband. I was so angry with him, and I was angry with myself. Chaz was miserable and frustrated. He hated his job and had no way of advancing. Nothing made sense, and everything was a struggle. Our arguments were brutal, and there was an icy hostility in our home all the time. At one point, we even considered leaving everything and moving back to Tennessee to live with Chaz’s parents until we could dig ourselves out of the pit.

Finally, this one particular bill came in that caused us to hit our bottom. It was something we should have known was coming but forgot about. We weren’t angry necessarily, but just overwhelmingly disappointed with ourselves. For me, it was the first time I went before God in true repentance.

That marked a turning point for us. God had taken that year to reveal small cracks in the foundation of our marriage. The financial pressure being put on us just spotlighted what was already there: I trusted and respected my husband very little; Chaz shied away from his role as leader of our family, and his confidence was at a very low point. Once we hit bottom, we knew there was only one way out. We started looking to God to fix us, and He showed up as our Provider first in our marriage. Instead of turning away from each other or fighting, we began to act as a team. God showed me how to turn to my husband in love and respect and trust; He showed Chaz how to lead our family. We had a big learning curve ahead of us, but we were finally ready for the lessons.

The next two years were hard and lean, but God continued to provide in every area. He began quickly by providing a new job for Chaz. For the first time, he wanted better things for us and began working hard and challenging himself to take charge of his life. I found odd jobs babysitting and working for a friend's business and also worked part time at PeeWee School (our church's preschool). For two years Chaz worked five nights a week at a restaurant waiting tables as a second job. That was so hard on us all, as we saw him very little through the week. However, it provided the money we needed to move forward instead of just treading water. The money also enabled us to get our house ready to sell.

We were changing in big ways during this time. We sought the guidance of a financial adviser affiliated with the church and FPU. We began having “budget meetings” twice a month. Those were very stressful at first, but they became easier as we went along. We cut back on everything we could and began telling our money where to go. We made things work with one car. We did very few fun things. We said “no” a lot. It was really, really humbling.

God provided in the hardest times. One of the best memories I have was making our pledge to our church’s Everyone Campaign. This was a campaign started by Clear Creek Community Church to build satellite campuses in two additional parts of our area as well as adding a children's ministry building to our main campus. The mission of our church has always been to "make fully devoted followers of Christ," and this is one way they do it. We made a pledge that was really big for us at the time. Chaz kept saying we needed to make it big to see how God would help us provide. We had begun tithing regularly for the first time in our marriage, so making the “over and above” contribution at that time was a real struggle for me to understand. But when I asked God about it, I got the clear message that He wanted us to make the commitment. He wanted us—He wanted me—to trust Him totally.

In early summer of 2013, we sold our house. It was bittersweet because in our hearts a part of us wanted to move back there someday, but we had to make that sacrifice in order to use all our extra money toward our debt instead of using it to make constant repairs on the house and pay other associated bills. For me, the house represented an idol of comfort that I had made. It presented a constant temptation for me to get caught up obsessing over getting back into the house instead of getting out of debt. We kissed it goodbye not knowing when we would be homeowners again.

Just a few months after we sold the house, we were able to pay off our first major debt. It was a small victory, but it gave us just the spark we needed to keep going. We continued to make sacrifices: Chaz kept working his night job; we drove a twelve-year-old car and an even older motorcycle; we continued living in our small apartment even though we had chances to move into something bigger.

 

With every sacrifice we made, God showered us with even more blessings. Just like that season where we kept getting bill after bill in the mail, we would open the mail to find a check randomly sent from a friend or family member for just the amount we needed. This happened time and time again. One example was when my grandpa handed me a check for a large amount of money. It covered paying for two very specific things we needed but weren’t yet able to buy. “You guys are doing a really great job. You impress me,” he said. That was a huge compliment coming from a man of few words! We received hand-me-downs for Savannah, a car seat for the new baby we had on the way, toys, and a good friend even loaned us a car for a few months. And through all of that, we continuously received prayers and encouragement from family and friends. We learned we had some amazing friends! The more open we were about sharing our story, the more people we met who had been or were in the same place. The blessings we received were so humbling. We knew what we deserved, but we received something better. We began to learn how to be grateful for whatever we had and joyful in times of abundant blessing. That is grace. 

In the spring of 2014, we received a big blessing: I inherited a substantial amount of money that helped us to pay off our second major debt, a student loan. We were also able to put away money so that we could pay hospital bills up front after our second child came, baby Charlotte. And we made our final contribution to the Everyone Campaign; we had reached our goal!

In late 2014, we only had one debt remaining: my student loan. Chaz was no longer working his second job because he had been given a promotion that required him to work downtown, making it very difficult to get to another shift after a long commute home (I was just fine with this development, by the way). I had stopped working at PWS after the baby came and because we had assumed Chaz would still be working his night job. Because of all this, we had hit a lull in our debt-payoff plan, and it was tempting to get down because of it. When we looked at how much further we had to go and at how little we had to go on… well, things seemed pretty bleak.

Then two amazing things happened within a week of each other. A friend of a friend gave us a car. FOR FREE. NO STRINGS ATTACHED! It was not something we had been thinking or praying about; God just put it in our laps. When we went to pick up the car and sign the title over, I was able to tell the benefactor a little bit of our story. I told him how earlier that year we had been struggling over whether or not to buy a cheap car just to make things easier and get us through the yucky winter. But I had told Chaz, “If we just keep doing what we’re doing, God will bless us. Who knows? He could even GIVE us a car!” And that’s exactly what He did! It gave us the faith to pray boldly and to continue trusting God to provide even in our financial lull. I remember praying something like this: “God I am worried about our future. But you have proven faithful time and time again these past few years. And you just gave us a car, for goodness’ sake! I trust that you are going to continue taking care of us. You are so good to us!”

Later that week, I got a letter in the mail from an attorney I had never heard from before. I was set to receive a portion of a settlement in a wrongful death lawsuit against the nursing home where my grandmother had passed away over four years earlier. I had no idea the lawsuit had even been opened. My uncle had kept up with the legal proceedings for three years without my knowledge.

The amount of money made me stop in the middle of cooking dinner and sit down on the floor, my mouth agape. I just couldn’t believe it! We were simply amazed by God’s perfectly timed blessing.

That lump settlement put us nearly four years ahead of schedule! We were able to pay off the remainder of my student loan and then save a full emergency fund per Dave Ramsey’s baby step #3. We also tithed and gave that amount toward the church’s First Gifts to Jesus. It was a sweet Christmas!

We are now DEBT FREE! We have paid off nearly $60,000 in three years!

And we have just received yet another blessing! Chaz is about to get hired on full-time to a major energy company in Houston. He’ll receive a raise that will almost double his earnings from when we began our journey four years ago! It is pretty amazing to see how God made this happen. Let me connect the dots for you. When we took that detour to live with the Frodges after our house was rented out, we got in their small group led by Nathan and Sarah Southard. Nathan was able to get a good word in for Chaz at a company here in League City in 2012. Chaz worked hard at this new job in a new field in which he felt completely out of his league. But he proved himself to be a diligent and hard worker. Last year, Nathan asked Chaz to be contracted out to work for him at the major company in Houston, and the rest is unfolding before us. We had no idea how that little detour God told us to take would change our future!

So, it is January 2015. FPU gave us the tools to use our money successfully and for God’s glory as well as tools to help us communicate more effectively about our finances. We started our journey to be debt free four years ago, but this journey was about so much more than that! God changed us. Four years ago, we didn’t know how to handle our money, and we never budgeted or really talked about money. Now we have “budget meetings” every two weeks or more often if necessary. No fighting involved! And better still, we now feel confident that we can leave a better financial legacy for our children. Four years ago, our marriage had foundational cracks of distrust that we were as yet unaware. God showed us how to let Him meet our individual needs first and how to trust Him. Now we share trust and respect and have accepted and come to love the roles God has given us, not the roles we designed for ourselves. Our marriage is thriving in it! Chaz has grown as a man and leader of our family; I have grown in my ability to trust and willingly submit to his leadership. Four years ago, our perspective was focused inward on our best interests and comforts. Now we look to how we can give and learn to continually be more grateful for what we have. We once thought too much of how others perceived us because of what we did or didn’t have. Now we both accept where we are and are in no hurry to “keep up with the Joneses” as we once did. That line of thinking got us into our trouble in the first place.

Four years ago, we trusted in ourselves to make things work and to provide all our needs. While we believed and trusted God, He was really just there as our emergency back-up in real life crises. In our journey to become debt-free, God became our Provider. He changed our faith from something we just talked about to something we lived and breathed—every day. And He is still changing us. The message we want people to get from our story is this: FOLLOW GOD. It doesn’t matter if what He is calling you to is straight up crazy; He will provide! Our worries and dreams are puny compared to His care and imagination. We have come into a greater joy and knowledge of Him because we trusted and obeyed. 

                                                         

Now we are asking a new question: “God, what would you have us do next?” He has given us a huge blessing by enabling us to be out of debt years ahead of our schedule; we know He must have something big in mind for us again. God has used the past four years to put us on a totally different path: the path He wants for our lives, not necessarily the one we wanted. The journey was about getting our financial lives straight, but it was more about growing our hearts and changing the mission of our family. We are now entirely more flexible with our plans, willing to wait on God’s lead and on His time. What we want just really doesn’t matter as much as what God wants. After all, we are here to bring glory to His name. A friend reminded us of the parable of the talents from Matthew: “You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much.” We were once on a mission to make a good life for ourselves, a kind of life focused only on this earthly life. Now we have an eternal perspective with a mission for God’s kingdom. We can’t wait to follow the road He will take us down next!

Photo: S Pandolph Photography

our BIG news

So, I was going to write an embarrassingly long-winded post updating you all on the last two years as well as our latest news. But since my last post was a year and a half ago, I thought it best to not be rude and just get to the point.

It all began with a calling. I felt God pushing me to quit my full-time job, and Chaz felt God pushing us to get out of debt and sell the house. As I write this update four years later, our lives have changed dramatically. We are debt free.

WE ARE DEBT FREE!!!

So, let me tell you how THAT happened.

Most of you know that we have made many sacrifices to get to this point including the following:

• Chaz worked a second job as a waiter for almost two years
•  Living in a super tiny apartment (2 adults+2 kids+1 dog+1 cat=6 uncomfortable creatures)
•  Driving old, beat-up vehicles (and, for a time, only ONE vehicle)
• Saying “no” to fun stuff A LOT
•  Saying “yes” to budgeting and all things adult and boring, like saving money

But many of you may not know that God has poured out many financial blessings on us over the past couple years, including, but not limited to, the following:

• Getting random checks in the mail from family or friends EXACTLY when we needed the cash
• Chaz’s new career opportunity (which was almost single-handedly provided to him through a friend we may have never met if we had not started this journey)
• A FREE CAR that we received this Halloween

• An inheritance I received from my late grandfather, my sweet Poppy, who passed away in 2013
• So many gifts of money, hand-me-downs, free rides (back when we had one vehicle), a borrowed car, a car seat, prayers, encouragement, etc.

Recently, I received a windfall of a fairly large amount of money. Unbeknownst to me, my late grandfather had filed a lawsuit against the nursing home where my grandmother passed away in 2010. As an heir to her estate, I was entitled to 25% of the settlement.

With that money, we just paid off the balance of my student loan. We also gave a portion to the church and saved the remainder to complete our next baby step (having an emergency fund of 3-6 months’ worth of living expenses).

Do you mind if I write it again in all caps? You can cheer if you want to…

WE’RE DEBT FREE!!!

Those three words look so good on the page. I can’t wait to do our debt-free scream on the Dave Ramsey show.

This journey to become debt free came with so many blessings. We knew only that God gave us a very clear directive to change our lives, but we had no idea how He would change us in the process. We sacrificed so much to get here, but I will tell that story at another time. Right now we just want you to share in our joy.

This journey has been more about building trust in each other and in Him. Our marriage grew into an exchange of love and trust and faith. We have learned that God's path is not just a good idea or principle that can be negotiated; it is life and truth and the BEST way. It is narrow and hard, but it is best.

The work is not over! We are not magically rich now, just in case you were wondering. We will continue to live our lives and manage our money in the ways that God has taught us to do so these past three years. We will just be doing it with a little less burden and a little more security. Thank you for being a part of this journey with us.

P.S. My goal for the New Year is to get back in the habit of writing often, so I hope to be in touch with y'all soon. :)

we sold the house!/...

One month ago we finally sold our home on Country Glen, the house we moved out of two years ago so that I could stay home with our daughter and so we could get our financial world more aligned with God's idea of good working order. Yes, the burden is finally off our shoulders, and we are just now beginning to feel the lightness of that certainty. 

A month ago, however, when we left the title company's office after signing our home away along with a hefty sum of money, we felt pretty dejected. The receptionist congratulated us, probably assuming that we were "moving up." I can tell you that it was the most ironic congratulations I'd ever heard. I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud and asked Chaz if he had heard what she said. Yes, he had. 

Those first couple weeks after selling were difficult for us. We had wrongly assumed that we would feel great joy and victory after getting rid of our "largest debt," but all we felt was an anticlimax. We didn't question our decision, but we did feel the loss of that money, our pride of home ownership, and the impending doom of starting over. It was hard not to let my mind wander down the road of "when will we own a home again?". 

But one month out we are starting to feel the release and freedom from not having the financial burden of our house hanging over our heads. The payoff of our smallest debt is within range, and we are living with more ease knowing that our emergency fund is funded and if we have to make big repairs to the car or have to fly home for some reason, we can do it with cash. Now, Chaz is still working his second job at South Shore Grille, but we have gotten into a good routine working around it and we also know that it is temporary. And we are VERY thankful for it! 

Also, it was pretty amazing to see God's orchestration of events right before we sold the house. Through our own perseverance of saving the second job money and some small miracles that came through during the last couple months, we were able to bring all our cash to closing without going into any further debt. It still hurt to write those checks and see our savings account go back down to zero, but it was good to know that we didn't have to dig ourselves into a bigger hole to do it. 

This whole experience has taken us through a vortex of emotions, making us confront adulthood and responsibility. Overall, I'd say that God has mostly been at work in our marriage these past two years. He has brought us from a somewhat fragile marriage marked by hiding from each other and poor communication to a strong marriage marked by mutual trust and honesty. Making this change in our life has been worth it just for that alone. I love and trust my husband far more now than I did two years ago, and I think he'd say the same for me. And for the first time in a while, we are truly looking forward to our future. 

idol makers

God commands us in the Bible, way, way back in Exodus, to not make "a carved image" and to not bow down and worship idols, anything but God. An idol is anything that becomes for us an obsession. It takes our thoughts, our energies, our lusts. It can take all of us if we allow it. An idol is anything, physical or intangible, that takes our focus away from the Lord. 


I have dealt with idols before. The sneaky thing about idols is that they usually don't take the form of a "carved image." The idea of having an object that we worship is quite foreign to most Christians. But Christ, above all, wants our hearts. An idol is, therefore, most at home in our hearts.


And once we allow something to take just one ounce of control over our hearts, it can cause serious damage. It will affect our thoughts, then our speech, then our attitude, then our actions. An idol will consume you. 


I recently realized something I had allowed to become an idol in my heart, something that was taking my focus away from God's truth. Our little old house on Country Glen (the one we are currently leasing out) had begun consuming my thoughts. I was constantly thinking about improvements I wanted to make when we move back in. Our bedroom needed a makeover with some new paint and new arrangement of our furniture (which would also be new). I'd do something new with the little loft area, making a reading nook for Savannah. The dining room, kitchen and breakfast area will need a total overhaul--gutted, walls moved, floor removed. A serious renovation. And the backyard. Well, first it's gotta provide some protection from the heat. So we will need to build a structure covering the patio. And of course I'll have the time then to plant that garden I have always wanted. It will be the perfect oasis...


On and on and more intricately detailed than I care to go into my thoughts went. Now, you may be thinking, "What's the harm in dreaming? Isn't it good to have a goal, something to motivate you?" Certainly! And that is what trapped me. I had no idea that my well-intended thoughts and plans had actually taken root in something much more destructive. 


I allowed myself to plan and dream, thinking there was no harm in these thoughts. But they became obsessive. Once I was almost constantly thinking of what I no longer had, I began to feel hopeless and overwhelmed by our debt. When I thought of our house, I saw something we would never again be able to achieve: true home ownership. This is mine. I want it back. 


And the worst part was that my motivation no longer lay in getting out of debt; my single motivation was to get back into MY house. 


The truth is that God wants us to be free from our debt--our bondage to it--more than he wants us to be living in our house again. Working out our financial problems and freeing ourselves from this burden is having major impacts in our spiritual lives. Our marriage has gone through the wringer this year, but we are becoming closer and building a trust between each other we never previously had. We are learning to face our financial problems instead of neglecting them. We are accepting the fact that our money, possessions, and lives belong only to God. And we are reaching our personal "bottoms" and realizing that God is still all powerful and is able to be our strength when we want to give up. 


The house, while it is tangible, is not eternal. Where is my joy? Where is my hope? It is not in a building. God's goal is not to make me happy, but to make me holy. If I want what he wants for me, I will redirect my thoughts and my motivation. I will let him do what he wants to do in my life and give over the reigns of my heart. Lord, please take it again. 

home economics: part 2

In my last post, I promised a couple of “neat and nerdy” things to share. Welcome, nerds! If you haven’t read the previous post (home economics: part 1) I recommend it because it will provide the foundational explanation for these tools. I hope you find these ideas useful!

1. This has calmed my heartburn—our laminated ledger:

I created this in Word and got it blown up, printed, and laminated at Office Depot for under $5. And, yes, it is on the refrigerator. The concept is that after we sit down and do our two-week budget in our Excel spreadsheet, we write down how much money we've set aside in each "category" (bills, groceries, entertainment, personal care, etc.). Then, at the end of every day, we will deduct our spending (how much, where, date) from the various categories. And finally we will keep a running balance of what remains in each category. 

There are two main reasons we like this: it provides a perfect avenue for planning and accountability. Remember that since we’re doing a bi-weekly budget and having regular budget meetings, we are talking and planning together (see previous post).

This tool also soothes both of our biggest stressors. Chaz's biggest need is to be able to see what bills are being paid and when and how much money we have remaining in a certain category. My biggest need is to put pen to paper. I tried using Mint.com, and, while it is a great tool, I realized I am an old-school kind of gal. I have to do the math with a calculator and write down my spending like in the old checkbook ledgers our parents used. I know that you can do this with the envelope system (a la Dave Ramsey), but we found that that didn't work for us because we would move cash around to other categories too easily, and it left little accountability to one another because we had separate envelope systems (but this is a great system if you are on your own or if you and your spouse are very diligent about checking the balances together). Anyway, seeing it all up there on the refrigerator makes it real and helps us to stay accountable to one another. 

So far we both feel better emotionally knowing what is going where and actually seeing it on paper. We've been talking about our money more, and not in those long-winded, heated conversations, but the short ones in which a decision is quickly made. We’re three weeks in and, as stated earlier, it’s calmed some anxiety. I do have a clean copy of this in Word if you'd like one to manipulate to suit your needs. 

2. Warning! This might make your mind explode—our two-week menu:

Two years ago my mother-in-law proposed the idea of writing out a weekly menu so that I could be less stressful come dinnertime. I scoffed at the idea at first, but as we became poorer, I saw it as a way to save trips to the grocery store thereby saving money. 

I've been planning a weekly menu for several months now, also planning my once-a-week grocery store trip around it. But I've noticed several hiccups in this plan. First, I did it alone and I hate planning meals, so this was always a source of stress for me. Second, I found that many of the things I'd buy, especially meat in bulk (cheaper) would last more than just one week. I'd end up going over budget for one week and into another week with groceries. This isn't necessarily bad, but it didn't all add up on paper and that drove me crazy. Third, Chaz would always want things that I didn't get because I didn't know he wanted them, so he'd end up going on his own for "a few things" and come back home with ten. Arguments ensued over pickles. That's just silly!

Now the plan is that I will make only ONE main grocery store trip in a two-week period (this includes toiletries, paper, and cleaning products). Chaz and I sat down after our budget meeting and planned a two-week menu. This was so much easier than going it alone because my sweet husband enjoys cooking and being part of deciding what's for dinner. I know not everyone is so lucky, but I encourage you to try it anyway--you might find it to be fun! 

It made so much sense because I try to buy meats in bulk, so we always end up using the meat into the next week (bag it and freeze it). The menu planning became easy as he rattled off possible meals and I filled in the days on paper. It was clear that a bulk package of pork chops could last us at least three meals, so I spread the days out in between and the two weeks started filling up fast. 

I'll note that as we decided on the meals, we consulted the weekly grocery ads everyone gets in the mail. We found that a few of our staples were cheaper at HEB because of some deals going on, and a few things were cheaper at Kroger. I mainly shop at Kroger because it's closer and I can get their online coupons and fuel points for gas. 

All in all, we spent $130 LESS than our average grocery spending in the first two-week period that we tried this strategy. We’ve made a great start on this next period, so I’ll let you know how that goes, too.

I truly hope that these ideas spark creativity within your inner nerd. And remember that this is not as much about pinching pennies as it is about managing your resources. 

home economics: part 1

I've never been much in the area of home-making, but this past week I finally broke down and did some really crazy things: I planned a two-week dinner menu; I "shopped" the grocery store ads for the best deals; and I--da, da, daaaaa!--clipped coupons. I didn't go all crazy on the coupon thing (someone please direct me to the nearest mental hospital if I start hauling a 3-inch wide coupon binder to the store). I will say that as mundane and tiring all of that seems, I completely enjoyed it. I will even say that I felt liberated. Let me explain. 


A couple weeks ago, Chaz and I started our budget anew. We began with a clean slate on how we will now approach our budgeting. I'm going to share our new strategies with you because I know many of you are living on one income or are very conscious of your budget, but please be aware that none of these concepts are new; I got all of these ideas from several different places. For the most part I have tried different things for a while until I found they didn't work for us for whatever reason. The main thing I'd like to communicate in this post is this: find what works for you and your family. Communicate with your spouse and always be honest about your finances. Don't hide anything! Marriage is hard enough without hiding that $36 you spent at Wal-Mart on beer, candy, and a few DVDs from the $5 bin. Seriously. And just remember that if you don't get real with your spouse about your financial situation then you'll end up LIKE US!!! Don't do it!!! 


First, we realized that we did not have regular conversations about our money and where it was going. Our discussions usually came about because something bad was about to happen and one of us just wanted to give the other a "head's up." Well, that's no way to live, especially when you don't have money to spare. So, our first strategy was to plan a regular meeting time to work on our budget. Don't let the "b" word scare you! A budget is simply an organized way of telling your money where to go. We decided that the best time for us to do this is every other Friday afternoon after Chaz gets paid; he gets home early from work on Fridays, so this gives us ample time to work together.


Second, we decided that during this "budget meeting" we must talk about our budget. It's a fairly well-known concept that in each relationship there is a tightwad and a free spirit. I am the tightwad in this marriage. Usually, I would plug all our bills and planned expenses into my Excel spreadsheet and assume Chaz would look at it. I did most of the planning, and we never really consulted each other about the details of our budget. Then I'd get mad when he spent money that hadn't been allocated in our budget. It was really dumb to call it "our" budget when I was the only one who knew about it (just another control issue I have). We did lots of other stupid things mainly because we didn't talk about our money on a regular basis. Now I am still plugging everything into the spreadsheet, but I tell Chaz what bill is due when and for how much. Then we decide together how much we'll need to set aside for other expenses like groceries, clothes, entertainment, etc. And we decide how much extra to put toward our debt at the beginning of the pay period instead of waiting to see how much we have left, because if we wait the money will get spent. And as a side note, I'm the one who does all this figuring and data-mining because I'm simply more of a nerd, and I enjoy doing it. But I found that I enjoy it more now because we are working together and we're on the same page. 


And on another side note, if you are on a seriously tight budget with no wiggle room like we are, realize that talking together is your best chance of survival. It may begin awkwardly. You may get all tense and want to punch a hole in the wall. There may even be heated arguments. But talk about it anyway. Eventually, as you work through these things together, you will become a team. 




Third, we decided to do all of this on a bi-weekly basis because Chaz gets paid every other week. So our budget and all the subcategories are only planned for two weeks. It just makes sense for us. One really nifty thing about budgeting within a shorter time frame is that it becomes easier to plan for all those little surprises that usually kill your budget (birthdays, bringing snack for group, having people over for dinner, date night, etc.). So, even if you get paid only once a month, I'd encourage you to try budgeting on a shorter time frame for a while. Maybe it will end up making your budgeting simpler. 


I know that most of this probably comes to you as a humongous "DUH!!", but we truly didn't know how important all this was until we hit bottom. I'd say we are currently about two feet from the bottom and I don't know how far it is until we get to the top, but at least we've begun climbing out of our pit. And for others, planning in this way seems like a nightmare. I promise that as you budget and plan you will find it becomes second nature. And you'll really get motivated when you find all the money you save when you tell your money where to go. 


I've got a couple more neat and nerdy things to share with you, but I will put those in separate posts, as this is about to get too long. One last thing before I end: a couple days ago I had a really, really bad day. It was just one of those days where I wanted to give up and say "screw it all." Lots of things happened that caused these feelings, and I won't go into them. But after lots and lots of prayer and getting some encouragement from my best friend who has walked with me through this past year, I felt better and had a good day. And another good day. Remember that the bad days will feel like they are going to suck the very marrow from your bones, but a good day will come again. Ask the Lord to remind you of his truth and what he has brought you through already. He is faithful!

changing our legacy

I’ve been thinking recently about the legacy we leave. This has been prompted by many things: our current financial condition, our daughter turning a year old, and a personal longing to be a more giving individual.

The past few weeks have brought on some financial “surprises” for us. The problem is that these things shouldn’t have been surprises; we should have not only expected them but already taken care of them—they have been a long time coming. After the last “surprise,” Chaz and I both hit our bottom. Interestingly though, we aren’t angry or consumed by fear; we are just overwhelmingly disappointed in ourselves (this is definitely growth for me). We have finally accepted our own disgustingly poor handling of our money, and we are ready to truly make the changes necessary for getting out of this awful hole of debt and insecurity.

I did shed some tears, though. But this time it was not about my fear of how we were going to pay for these things or anger at my poor husband. I cried because I thought of my sweet Savannah and what we are leaving to her. A legacy of financial distress is something I never, ever wanted to leave my child.

I grew up in financial distress—growing up in a single-parent home in which the only income is a disability check will do that to you. My mom did the best she could, but her stress always overflowed onto my brother and me. We both knew when bills were due and what we wouldn't be able to pay. We both knew not to ask for certain things. There were even a few times we went to the food pantry. I didn't know you could live on a budget or save money; to me, money was bad. I believe this is the main reason I’ve had such a difficult time taking responsibility for my own financial fate. In a twisted way, I believed ignoring the problems really would make them go away because I certainly was not capable of fixing them. What good financial decisions could a person with my family history possibly make?

Now I realize that this type of thinking is shrouded in lies and fear. It was a huge mistake on my part to buy into this mindset, and it has ruined my financial legacy thus far. However, God redeems the mess of our broken legacy and our mistakes, and I know that he is transforming Chaz’s and my thinking each day. He is enabling us to create a new legacy for our family.

I know this promise is true because God has already done it in my life. Last Sunday at church, I was reminded of this. Our church is currently doing a campaign to raise money so that we can expand our main building and build a permanent campus for a branch-out church location. The campaign is to last two years, and Chaz and I decided to commit a certain amount of money above our tithe to it. And we’re doing this because we want to, by the way.

Anyway, I was nervous about placing our commitment because it is a promise, and this is a challenging time for us to make financial promises. But at this point I am more concerned about a heart change. Paying our debt is definitely an obligation, but I no longer see it as a burden. It has become for us an opportunity to grow in the way we handle our finances and in the way we trust God to provide. I feel confident that as God has been changing my perception of paying off our debt, he will also change my perception on giving.

As the service closed last Sunday, we sang a song called “The Stand.” For me, this song holds special meaning. I sang this song to God about five years ago, telling him that I would give up my own failed attempts to forgive my dad. I was tired of lost attempts to change my own heart and finally realized that God was the only one who could fix me. So, as the song goes, I promised God that I would do what he wanted me to do for "all I am is Yours.” God fulfilled his promise to me, enabling me to forgive my dad and to love him no matter what it cost me.

God made it possible for me to break a cycle of unforgiveness that has tainted my family for generations. I knew that when I forgave my dad, I was creating a new legacy for my family. What a precious example of God’s love and ability to redeem!

So, that song reminded me how God has transformed my once hardened heart. It was a promise and personal guarantee that he will do it again. He will show Chaz and me how to create a new legacy of financial responsibility and overflowing generosity because we trust him.

And because he loves us. 

managing money and love

I realize the title of this post might offend some--specifically the young in love. How could one possibly manage love or equate the management of money with love? Well, I will try to explain my meaning with, of course, another real-life example. 


Times have been hard and lean in the Williams' household as most of you know. Since we moved out of our house, we have made some very small strides in paying down our debt, but we still haven't quite figured out this whole idea of managing our money. It is yet unfamiliar territory, and the Lord had to pull out the big guns to show us what this is all about. Christmastime is usually a stressful financial season for many, and we were not spared that stress this year. It hit us hard--specifically traveling back home. That trip is always expensive. But that was expected; there were some curve balls thrown our way these past couple months. 


Out of a sense of decorum, I will not hash out all the details over our biggest money-fight to date. And Chaz and I don't fight--we have discussions. Feelings were bruised on both sides--I was hurt by some things he did and in my anger lashed back with some of the most hurtful words I have ever spoken to my spouse. He left feeling deeply wounded while I felt vindicated, at least until I talked to Jesus about it. 


I had every intention of confronting Chaz about my hurt feelings in a controlled and loving way. He did need to hear what I had to say. I asked a wise friend how to confront him and read from Omartian's The Power of a Praying Wife about how to confront my husband in a loving spirit before we actually sat down to talk. But in the heat of the moment I lost it; and as I allowed the flesh to take over, I also lost some of the great things I have worked on building up in my marriage. 


Now, I know nothing is beyond repair. We have already made-up. But I want to write to you about seeing our marriage from that ground zero-ish perspective. There are some things in life I regret. I wish that I hadn't had to learn those lessons from coming out of a mistake, but that's just the way life is. So in my post-fight silence I talked to Jesus--more like sat before him until the anger went away. Then he showed me some things about my marriage and my attitude toward my husband that I had been talking about doing but had not truly done. He showed me that our financial issues are a fog masking small cracks in our marriage. I now know a bigger reason why the Lord called me to quit my job and stay at home with my family: the financial strain being put on us is revealing the small cracks in the foundation. 


In a marriage you cannot always meet each other's needs. Sometimes you try your best and still fail. I think financial problems are listed as the number one cause for divorce in our nation because you have two people heaping their expectations onto one another as well as themselves, and in those mountains of unmet expectations one can no longer see the bottom. It becomes too much to dig up, and so each leaves feeling empty. 


I know Chaz and I have probably not seen the worst of our financial problems. But I do pray that as we set our goals together and continue to look to how God wants us to live we will keep in mind some important lessons that I hope you keep in mind as well:


1. Money (or the lack thereof) is not the issue. What expectations am I heaping onto my husband? Are they reasonable? Can I adjust them in some way? What do I need to give to the Lord instead of demanding it of my husband?


2. I am called to love and respect my husband. Even though my anger may have been justified (I think), I still need to spend MUCH time before the Lord speaking to Him about my anger BEFORE I go to my husband so that the Lord can "temper [my words] with His Spirit" (Omartian 35). For "when we live by the power of God rather than our flesh, we don't have to strive for power with our words. 'For the kingdom of God is not in word but in power' (1 Corinthians 4:20)" (Omartian 36). Don't you find that when you go before the Lord he tempers, or softens, your heart? Sometimes as wives we don't want to be softened before going to our husbands but toughened, as if a man would more readily respect that hardness. But you know these kinds of words only create further strife. God's way is narrow and difficult because he calls us to do the opposite of what we desire. He will reveal to you things you couldn't know about your relationship with a hardened, angry heart, and he will show you how to speak in love and respect. 


3. These times of hardship are here for a reason. While we did get ourselves into this predicament, God does not waste a challenging season of life. His will is simply that we will know him more. He always chooses to reveal himself to us. Will we choose to look to him, not asking him to fix our mess, but to show us more of himself? 


As I wrote earlier, nothing is beyond repair. Please know, however, that we are neither in dire straits nor is our marriage on the brink of collapse! I just tend to think really deeply about this sort of stuff. Pray with us that we won't just "tough out" these hard times but that we will live them and remember always to look to our God who is "making all things new." 

moved in

So, we've officially moved into our little apartment. Let the savings begin! It really is quite small--750 square feet to be exact. Thank God for storage facilities. However confined I might feel, though, I am beginning to enjoy some aspects of the smallness:


1. Less to clean! Need I say more?


2. No need to run up and down the stairs a bazillion times a day. Savannah's room, our room, the laundry nook, and kitchen are all within my view. I just have to stand in the middle of the apartment to see into (and most of) each area!


3. Less stuff. This is the one that has kept me thinking the past few days. If an interior decorator were to come to my living room, she would have a conniption; everything is mismatched. Dark wood desk and bookcase go together from our loft area in the house; cherry end table from living room; dark green couch; beige and honey wood glider from Savy's room; and big ol' TV on a small table that is older than Chaz--we sold our old TV stand that matched the desk and bookcase because we thought we wouldn't need it. I have no idea how to make the room easier on the eye. 


So, if I can't change what we have then I am left with two options: complain for however long we live here (which could be years) and make my husband a grump who, in turn, complains to his buddies how ungrateful his wife is; or I can change my perspective. 


You see, we really do miss our house. It was us and we worked hard to make it look beautiful and reflect our tastes. But a house and possessions cannot define a person. While this move was intended solely to save us money so that we could become better stewards, it is also forcing us (or me more accurately) to give up the cyclical doom of "keeping up with the Joneses." I am not saying that you could have put our lives in Pottery Barn catalog, but I was always keeping tabs on the lifestyles of my friends and acquaintances in Suburbia. In short, this move has been humbling in many ways. My favorite motto is "It could always be worse," and I certainly agree with that in this situation. We are so thankful for all that we have. But I need to face the fact that I've taken a big blow to my pride and to the control over my life that I once thought I had. 


Jesus said, "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:19-21). I'm beginning to see this verse in a new way. I can admit that my lifestyle, instead of my relationship with Christ, was beginning to define me--at least that was the thorn beginning to form in my heart. When I look at where my life is now, I am disappointed. I'm not sure what I thought my life would look like at this point, but it didn't look like this. 


But God's perspective is vastly different. He sees what I cannot see--the treasures we are laying up in Heaven. While I look around and focus on mistakes and regrets, God sees this moment as a small blip on my lifeline. He looks ahead to the plans he has for me and my family. Will I choose to trust him and continue to walk forward with the knowledge that "all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose"? (Romans 8:28). The answer is simple: I must. When he called me to himself, he put that trust in me and has been helping me to discover it ever since. I have to remember that what I do does not matter unless I do it "all to the glory of God" (1 Cor. 10:31). 


It's funny how things are so opposite in the Christian life. While my life might look like a mess on the outside, God is forming it into something that is greatly pleasing to him. Lord, help me believe. 

a different kind of american dream

We're moving on down... to the east side... to a mediocre apartment... on the first floor. It doesn't quite sound as celebratory as the theme song from "The Jeffersons," but at this point I can't be picky. 


Yes, we are moving. Selling the old homestead. Now for the lengthy explanation. 


I'll start by saying that if you are in the market for buying a house, please, please learn from our mistakes!! Wide-eyed, with a bank account full of new money from a sale on Chaz's flipped store (Lenny's), we embarked on our adventure. We were the only couple in our close group of friends that weren't homeowners, and we let that play with our emotions (mistake #1). On our first day of house-hunting, we fell in love with a little country house on Country Glen. I loved it as soon as we walked in the door. Hardwood floors in the living room, vaulted ceiling, big windows, and a little Tiffany light fixture hanging from the wood-paneled ceiling under the loft. LOVE! It had character, like us. 3 bedrooms, 2.5 baths and room for the 2.5 kids we planned to have. Perfect. And the back yard... don't get me started. I'm not even going to write about it. 


Oh, there's more. 2 car payments. Loads on student loans. Not enough to make that 20% down payment (this was 2008 when they were handing out loans like Air Heads, pun intended)...(oh, and mistake #2). But let's think logically here--we were making an investment! Our apartment (fancy shmancy, by the way) was about to go up on rent. We'd be cramped and paying only a couple hundred less than a mortgage. On the other hand, we could have a whole house for our animals to run around in. Hello?? Where's the problem?


Well, the problem was that we simply didn't plan ahead. Even though we had talked about me being a stay-at-home mom someday, we weren't thinking about it. I definitely wasn't in the mindset of becoming pregnant, and I loved my job. Chaz's five-year plan was gaining traction. We were really making it. But our biggest mistake was that we didn't plan on one important thing. LIFE. It happens. Chaz lost his job, career, five-year plan. I began to loathe going to work each day and wondered what I was supposed to do. 


We know now. That thing we had talked about even before we were married--me staying home with our kids--is happening. I can't imagine doing anything else. And I will advocate that it CAN be done! Naysayers will argue that you can't have a decent lifestyle on one income. I argue that you can as long as you plan on it. So now we are backtracking on the typical American dream. We're ditching the perfect house on the perfect cul-de-sac for a 2 bedroom apartment in order to dig ourselves out of debt. I grew up living on a "month-to-month" income. I can remember times when we didn't know where we were going to live. I remember going to the food pantry. It's not the life I wanted for my kids. So we are making this sacrifice now, saving the moolah on our mortgage and rolling it all toward our smallest debt so we can attack it with gazelle-like intensity. Then in three to four years we will be able to pursue home ownership again. 


You see, my American dream has to change. Racking up tons of debt and living from month-to-month so we can have something we can't afford anymore isn't working for us. Paranoia is not a peaceful state of mind. Sure, my going back to work would solve some of our financial woes. But like I said in my last post, I know God has called me to stay at home with my child. And really we could have solved our financial woes long ago by heeding the Proverb "the rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender" (22:7). There's more like that in the Bible. Why didn't we look at the ultimate instruction manual? Maybe we just didn't want to. 


What we are doing is nothing heroic. We are just trying to make up for the poor decisions we made. And when I look at my little Savannah, I know it is and will always be worth it.