blast zone

God likes to use lots of different things to wake us up to what his plans are. 

At times I feel like he is taking a chisel and delicately removing a piece that doesn't belong. Other times he uses a sledgehammer to knock off a large block. Lately he's been using heavy explosives on me, blasting away almost every part of me. Sometimes it feels like he wants there to be nothing left of me!


And that's exactly what he wants. 


A ridiculous series of events happened this past week between myself and my best friend. Once I actually picked up the phone to talk to her (NOT text) and then quieted my heart before the Lord, I realized that I was, for the most part, unfairly taking out my frustration over my circumstances out on my friend. God really blessed me with a friend like her who still loves me even when I act like a child. With a clear head, I was able to unravel the emotions and events of that week, seeing that the root of the problem was my pride and sense of control. 


Yeah, again. 


A week from today will mark one year since we moved out of our house. I just looked through some old posts, and it is abundantly clear that God has been trying to get me to let go of my need to be in control. In fact, it has been the overall theme of my spiritual walk this year. God keeps showing me secret pockets of control I have tried to hide from him. It's like a person on a diet who stashes Little Debbies in her underwear drawer and other unexpected places. (God knows where the Swiss Rolls are hidden!) But the Lord sees all of my secret hiding spots, and he knows when it's time to reveal the truth to me, the truth that he hates those parts of me and so should I. 




My friend Oswald Chambers wrote about sanctification in My Utmost: "Sanctification means being made one with Jesus so that the nature that controlled Him will control us" (Feb. 8). He later reminds us that "the Spirit of God will strip me down until there is nothing left but myself..." (July 22). He can say all these things because Jesus tells us in Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate... his own life... he cannot be my disciple." 


I used to feel uncomfortable with these harsh words from our Lord. But now I know what he means. There are times when the truth of my heart is revealed to me and in that moment I am so disgusted with myself that it literally makes me sick. I know in these moments that I am a person in desperate need of a savior. 


It's not that God doesn't want me; actually it is quite the opposite. He wants me amplified, which is me filled with his light and love. That person cannot exist when she still clings to earthly things like her pride and sense of control. The moment I said Yes to Jesus, he started destroying those parts of me. This past year he has worked overtime! But the amazing thing, the reason I believe in his power is that I trust him more and more with the big things and the little things every day. Each time he removes an old lust, I am confirmed in my faith and trust in him. He shows me what he wants to take away, and I realize that I don't want it anyway. And that happens only because his truth is in my heart. 


Are you in the blast zone right now? If you are a follower of Jesus, be comforted! He is giving you the best gift there is: he is taking away your old heart and replacing it with his own. 

idol makers

God commands us in the Bible, way, way back in Exodus, to not make "a carved image" and to not bow down and worship idols, anything but God. An idol is anything that becomes for us an obsession. It takes our thoughts, our energies, our lusts. It can take all of us if we allow it. An idol is anything, physical or intangible, that takes our focus away from the Lord. 


I have dealt with idols before. The sneaky thing about idols is that they usually don't take the form of a "carved image." The idea of having an object that we worship is quite foreign to most Christians. But Christ, above all, wants our hearts. An idol is, therefore, most at home in our hearts.


And once we allow something to take just one ounce of control over our hearts, it can cause serious damage. It will affect our thoughts, then our speech, then our attitude, then our actions. An idol will consume you. 


I recently realized something I had allowed to become an idol in my heart, something that was taking my focus away from God's truth. Our little old house on Country Glen (the one we are currently leasing out) had begun consuming my thoughts. I was constantly thinking about improvements I wanted to make when we move back in. Our bedroom needed a makeover with some new paint and new arrangement of our furniture (which would also be new). I'd do something new with the little loft area, making a reading nook for Savannah. The dining room, kitchen and breakfast area will need a total overhaul--gutted, walls moved, floor removed. A serious renovation. And the backyard. Well, first it's gotta provide some protection from the heat. So we will need to build a structure covering the patio. And of course I'll have the time then to plant that garden I have always wanted. It will be the perfect oasis...


On and on and more intricately detailed than I care to go into my thoughts went. Now, you may be thinking, "What's the harm in dreaming? Isn't it good to have a goal, something to motivate you?" Certainly! And that is what trapped me. I had no idea that my well-intended thoughts and plans had actually taken root in something much more destructive. 


I allowed myself to plan and dream, thinking there was no harm in these thoughts. But they became obsessive. Once I was almost constantly thinking of what I no longer had, I began to feel hopeless and overwhelmed by our debt. When I thought of our house, I saw something we would never again be able to achieve: true home ownership. This is mine. I want it back. 


And the worst part was that my motivation no longer lay in getting out of debt; my single motivation was to get back into MY house. 


The truth is that God wants us to be free from our debt--our bondage to it--more than he wants us to be living in our house again. Working out our financial problems and freeing ourselves from this burden is having major impacts in our spiritual lives. Our marriage has gone through the wringer this year, but we are becoming closer and building a trust between each other we never previously had. We are learning to face our financial problems instead of neglecting them. We are accepting the fact that our money, possessions, and lives belong only to God. And we are reaching our personal "bottoms" and realizing that God is still all powerful and is able to be our strength when we want to give up. 


The house, while it is tangible, is not eternal. Where is my joy? Where is my hope? It is not in a building. God's goal is not to make me happy, but to make me holy. If I want what he wants for me, I will redirect my thoughts and my motivation. I will let him do what he wants to do in my life and give over the reigns of my heart. Lord, please take it again. 

home economics: part 2

In my last post, I promised a couple of “neat and nerdy” things to share. Welcome, nerds! If you haven’t read the previous post (home economics: part 1) I recommend it because it will provide the foundational explanation for these tools. I hope you find these ideas useful!

1. This has calmed my heartburn—our laminated ledger:

I created this in Word and got it blown up, printed, and laminated at Office Depot for under $5. And, yes, it is on the refrigerator. The concept is that after we sit down and do our two-week budget in our Excel spreadsheet, we write down how much money we've set aside in each "category" (bills, groceries, entertainment, personal care, etc.). Then, at the end of every day, we will deduct our spending (how much, where, date) from the various categories. And finally we will keep a running balance of what remains in each category. 

There are two main reasons we like this: it provides a perfect avenue for planning and accountability. Remember that since we’re doing a bi-weekly budget and having regular budget meetings, we are talking and planning together (see previous post).

This tool also soothes both of our biggest stressors. Chaz's biggest need is to be able to see what bills are being paid and when and how much money we have remaining in a certain category. My biggest need is to put pen to paper. I tried using Mint.com, and, while it is a great tool, I realized I am an old-school kind of gal. I have to do the math with a calculator and write down my spending like in the old checkbook ledgers our parents used. I know that you can do this with the envelope system (a la Dave Ramsey), but we found that that didn't work for us because we would move cash around to other categories too easily, and it left little accountability to one another because we had separate envelope systems (but this is a great system if you are on your own or if you and your spouse are very diligent about checking the balances together). Anyway, seeing it all up there on the refrigerator makes it real and helps us to stay accountable to one another. 

So far we both feel better emotionally knowing what is going where and actually seeing it on paper. We've been talking about our money more, and not in those long-winded, heated conversations, but the short ones in which a decision is quickly made. We’re three weeks in and, as stated earlier, it’s calmed some anxiety. I do have a clean copy of this in Word if you'd like one to manipulate to suit your needs. 

2. Warning! This might make your mind explode—our two-week menu:

Two years ago my mother-in-law proposed the idea of writing out a weekly menu so that I could be less stressful come dinnertime. I scoffed at the idea at first, but as we became poorer, I saw it as a way to save trips to the grocery store thereby saving money. 

I've been planning a weekly menu for several months now, also planning my once-a-week grocery store trip around it. But I've noticed several hiccups in this plan. First, I did it alone and I hate planning meals, so this was always a source of stress for me. Second, I found that many of the things I'd buy, especially meat in bulk (cheaper) would last more than just one week. I'd end up going over budget for one week and into another week with groceries. This isn't necessarily bad, but it didn't all add up on paper and that drove me crazy. Third, Chaz would always want things that I didn't get because I didn't know he wanted them, so he'd end up going on his own for "a few things" and come back home with ten. Arguments ensued over pickles. That's just silly!

Now the plan is that I will make only ONE main grocery store trip in a two-week period (this includes toiletries, paper, and cleaning products). Chaz and I sat down after our budget meeting and planned a two-week menu. This was so much easier than going it alone because my sweet husband enjoys cooking and being part of deciding what's for dinner. I know not everyone is so lucky, but I encourage you to try it anyway--you might find it to be fun! 

It made so much sense because I try to buy meats in bulk, so we always end up using the meat into the next week (bag it and freeze it). The menu planning became easy as he rattled off possible meals and I filled in the days on paper. It was clear that a bulk package of pork chops could last us at least three meals, so I spread the days out in between and the two weeks started filling up fast. 

I'll note that as we decided on the meals, we consulted the weekly grocery ads everyone gets in the mail. We found that a few of our staples were cheaper at HEB because of some deals going on, and a few things were cheaper at Kroger. I mainly shop at Kroger because it's closer and I can get their online coupons and fuel points for gas. 

All in all, we spent $130 LESS than our average grocery spending in the first two-week period that we tried this strategy. We’ve made a great start on this next period, so I’ll let you know how that goes, too.

I truly hope that these ideas spark creativity within your inner nerd. And remember that this is not as much about pinching pennies as it is about managing your resources.