a big mess

This morning I made a big mess in my pantry:

I had stupidly been storing flour in a zipper storage bag. As you can see, my pantry is very deep so stuff tends to get lost back there. This gallon-sized bag of flour was one of those lost items. When I went to retrieve it, I pulled it out by the bottom (mistake #2) and behold the mess! This picture was taken after I pulled out more stuff that was in front of and under the mess. More was on the floor. 

I sent a picture to my friend who asked if the bag had exploded. It certainly did look that way. But no, I explained to her what happened and likened it to a slow leak. When I got to the back of the shelf, I realized that flour had probably been coming out of the bag for a while. But nobody noticed because it wasn't doing any real harm in the deep, dark back of the pantry. 

It wasn't too long before God started connecting the dots for me. 

Disclaimer: I don't like to use extended metaphors, but this one just screamed to be used. Bear with me, please. 

In my last post, I wrote about how my heart had been leaking junk for quite a while before I noticed any real problem. Since I started addressing the actual heart problem before God, He began pulling out items here and there. And when He finally got to the source of the leak and began the long process of pulling it out of the dark (which is far from over), I began grieving over the mess. 

I grieve because I know how these things go. When God chooses to use something to refine me, especially this particular issue, I know the process will be long and difficult. 

It took me about 30 minutes and a trip to Wally World to clean up the flour mess: 

I certainly felt a measure of victory over the disorganization, especially since I have had it on my "to do" list for some time. 

But I know God has depths of knowledge and insight to reveal to me on my real problems. And He won't do it in 30 minutes.

As much as I would like my emotional life to be nice and tidy like my pantry, or even more so, God is showing me that no part of our lives ever fit into airtight containers or tiny bins (yes, the metaphor is killing me too, but I can't help it!). And very few things are black and white, especially when it comes to such things as emotions and relationships. 

But I want desperately for certain things to fit in a box. I want definition. I want the straight path. 

God keeps reminding me that life isn't like that. We live in a fallen world where things are not as they should be. 

So, I'm starting the painful process of letting go of an ideal. I don't know where it will take me, and that's pretty much part of the package. But I do know that the Lord will be there with me, whispering truths to me when I call on Him or using the piercing sword of His word when I refuse to listen. And I know, as Job, that God "knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold" (Job 23:10). I can take this truth to the bank. 

I am thankful to have a Savior that left the Heavenly places for a while so that He could understand things like messes in the pantry and confusing emotions and broken relationships. I am thankful that His death made a way for me to climb up and pull on His ear.  

And I am thankful that He loves me through it all.