war games

Do you ever feel like you are going insane? I have felt that way several times during the past few weeks. The stress of living out of our suitcases (or, rather, piles of clothes on a closet floor) will get to me in the most mundane moments of my day. For example: I walk upstairs for the umpteenth time to get a few diapers before I leave the house, but instead I go to the bathroom and then walk back downstairs sans diapers. For that little brain lapse I threw whatever was in my hand across the room... don't worry, it was just chap stick, not the baby.

Mostly I can look back on these moments (and trust me, the chap stick incident was tame compared to some of the others) and laugh at how silly and childish I behaved. But I think the Lord is trying to make me see these moments differently. My tolerance for anything that makes my life more inconvenient than it already is is very low which, in turn, makes my anger level high. The smallest things can throw me into a mini tantrum. I think that only my dog or Savannah and sometimes my husband see these tantrums, but when I added up all of these outbursts I noticed something big. 


Sure the people who won't remember or who love me enough to forgive me see them, but God also sees, of course. But more importantly, what I realized is that even after I have recovered myself, that scar of anger is already there in my heart. I will always remember how good it felt to just let it out and not care who I affected. The problem is that all of those moments make up who I am--they mold my character. If I consistently and willingly allow myself to succumb to anger in a frustrating or overwhelming moment then that is my fault. It is not the fault of my circumstances--I am not a child.


The Lord continues to remind me to "take every thought captive to obey Christ" on a moment-to-moment basis, especially on bad days when I am frustrated by my lack of control (2 Corinthians 10:5). I am struck by the difficult work it takes to be a Christian and to fight these spiritual battles that most of us would rather ignore. We usually fight to change our circumstances, but we ignore the spiritual battles and deem them as something in that realm of the unreal. It is understandably difficult to even recognize the spiritual battles when our lives are lived in flesh and blood. But, of course, that is the Enemy's prerogative. 


Paul, in defense of his ministry to the Corinthians, professes that "though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ" (2 Cor. 10:3-5). Every battle is truly in the mind--between who we will allow to control it. Wayne A. Grudem writes in the easy-to-digest theology book Christian Beliefs that "those who believe in Jesus should realize that through death, Jesus nullified the power of [the Enemy]" (p.56). In Christ we have power and authority to fight these spiritual battles and should fight them, confident of what Christ has already accomplished. 


So in those times of frustration and anger I should remind myself what is at stake: the very character that Christ has been forming in me from the moment he saved me. It is worth fighting for, especially when you are on the winning team. By allowing his peace to cover me each day, I bring honor to his name.