my future self

I have a picture in my mind of my future self. She is rising up from her garden, dusting the earth from her hands. The wind blows through her hair as she listens to her children playing happily nearby and surveys her land in a quiet moment of calm contentedness, reflecting on a day that was once again devoted to the Lord.


Umm... today, please?


I've had a vision of myself living this sort of life and, more importantly, living that calm contentedness. Yes, that last part is what intrigues me the most from that picture. However, I always want what I don't have and always look for the next "thing" in life that will make me happy and content. And once I get that thing, the vicious cycle continues.


As a Christian, I must make sure that while I look for the next thing in my life, I look to seek what God wants for me. More importantly, I shouldn't focus so much on what he has in store for me but just on him alone. After all, isn't he alone the source of this calm contentedness I desire?


In the devotional My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes about having the vision of what God wants us to be while living in the reality of what we are today: "There are times when we do know what God's purpose is; whether we will let the vision be turned into actual character depends on us, not on God." When we see our future self we always want it immediately. I know I want it now because he forms character in me through trials. Chambers goes on to write that we must live "the realities of our lives in the light of the vision until the truth of the vision is actually realized in us" (Oct. 4). At one point in my life I thought that meant pretending to be who I saw so that it would one day magically happen--God would say, "Yes, you figured it out!" and he would throw a switch that would transform me into this new and improved version of me. 


However, God never rewards us for acting. I think what Chambers actually means is that we ought to thank God for showing us what he is forming in us. And although we are not quite there yet, trust that he is, each day, making us new.  Our part is simple but difficult: allowing him to mold us. It's not about working toward becoming that person because when we do that it is all about what we can accomplish, not what God can accomplish. 


I am a living testament that this is much easier said than done. Just look at my life over the past few months. God shifted my focus to what was lacking by showing me how much we had but didn't need. Now he is enabling me to become content, if not happy, with less. As my life becomes simpler, I enjoy each day more, learning with small steps how to savor what God is forming in me today. On the days I loosen my grip on the intangible things over which I once forced my control, I see the peaceful and content heart I long for. For the first time, I am realizing that when Christ told his disciples, "follow me" it was more a directive for the heart than the body. 


When I look ahead to my future self, I see that she and I have much more in common than I once believed.