small moments

Enjoy the following inner dialogue I had with myself the other day as I was emptying the dishwasher: "Oh my gosh, I can't believe Chaz didn't put the bottles in this thing right. It's freakin' easy! Nipples on the top part, all the other little things in the bottom. How is it all supposed to get clean this way? Is he dumb? Seriously, this is ridiculous! (*Bang, bang* as I throw the empty plastic thing in the sink) Why can't he just pay attention! He doesn't even listen. Liiiiiiiiiiiiifffffffffffeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!"


Oh, woe is me! To have a husband who does not properly load the dishwasher is the saddest part of any married woman's life... right? Hmmmm... maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic.


I hardly ever write anything about my marriage, and I realized it's because it has not been prominent in my mind lately. Except, of course, for the improperly loaded dishwasher, the work clothes strewn on the bedroom floor, and the beer bottle cap left on the end table. It's pretty bad that these small, momentary inconveniences are what dominate my mind these days when it comes to my husband. 


Recently, our pastors at Clear Creek Community Church led a series of messages about being peacemakers in our relationships. The senior pastor, Bruce Wesley, spoke about being peacemakers in our marriages and how many of us get to a place where we tend to make "negative assumptions." For me, this translated into my above inner dialogue in which I negatively concluded that since my husband did not properly load the bottles then he never listens to me. Now to a normal person, that would sound like crazy talk, which is why I provided the entire "rationalization" for you sane people. But I really do think that everybody gets to a point in their marriage when they become a little bit crazy. Trust me, if it hasn't come already just wait. 


But when I take a moment to stop my crazy inner ramblings and listen to myself, I realize three things:
1. I am being selfish. My silly need to have a neatly ordered dishwasher (like I would load it) was not met, therefore my husband must suffer through a verbal lashing (which will come soon after he gets home from work). 


2. This is silly and petty. If this is truly the biggest thing I have to complain about in my marriage, then what is wrong with me? If I have to search for things to engender anger toward my husband, then I must be pretty messed up. 


3. How does God see my selfish and petty whining? Wouldn't he tell me to move toward my husband in love and kindness? That the fruit of the Spirit is "love... patience, kindness... gentleness, self-control" (Galatians 5:22). That I lacked each of these in abundance while my mind lingered over the clean dishes that my husband so lovingly placed in the dishwasher the night before so I could take a shower and get to bed at a decent hour. 


We all get to a place in our marriages when the moments of ingratitude outweigh the moments of thankfulness. Where is your heart today? Are there moments that could be overlooked so that you could focus more on the good and loving things your spouse does for you, your children, or your home? I know that for me there are more than enough of these moments, and I am trying to focus my thoughts in that direction--to love my husband in the small, treasured moments of the day. Like last night while I was out grocery shopping, Chaz cleaned the kitchen and ran the dishwasher after cooking some mean cheeseburgers for dinner. He is a wonderful husband and father. Thank you, Chaz. I love you!