out of control

A time I remember feeling utterly out of control and helpless was when my mom was going through her first rounds of chemo. We were staying with my grandparents and each had our own list of chores. My chore was to wash the dishes after breakfast each morning. One morning, however, I slept in and missed breakfast. My grandpa ended up doing the dishes for me. 


I completely freaked out and locked myself in the bathroom. I turned on the water and the vent and crouched on the floor and cried. I literally thought I was going crazy. My mom knocked on the door gently to ask if I was okay, and of course I lied. I always went to her treatment with her, but on that day my mom said I should stay home and record "The Young and the Restless" so we could watch it later together. 


I didn't figure it out until much later. The reason I broke down that day was because the one, albeit small, thing I could control was taken from me. The dishes were "my" responsibility, and I took care of them perfectly. My mom was sick, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I could not make her feel better when she threw up; I could not keep her hair from falling out; and I could not, in any true sincerity, tell her that everything was going to be all right. I finally realized how fragile life was. 


Several people I know, including myself, are dealing with uncontrollable illnesses in their families right now. Jesus is the One true Physician, and although my mom was sick until the very end, He welcomed her renewed in body and spirit into His kingdom. Please pray with me for family and friends who are dealing with illnesses. For those dealing with the illness, pray that God would show himself in the fullness of his grace to them through their illness. For family and friends, pray for the same thing. We all need the opportunity to see how fragile this life is and accept that there is One who will "wipe away every tear" and who is "making all things new" (Revelation 21:4-5).